The card for this week is the Death card. When I first drew this card I was kind of confused, but then a lightbulb went off. I have been feeling a bit lonely. It can be hard when your children grow up and move on with their lives. My youngest will be 17 in August and she just doesn’t need me that much. Each step she takes towards adulthood leaves me feeling a bit more empty. I think the Death card is telling me once again that it is time to let go. I know that it is better to listen than to struggle when this card appears. More and more I am faced with knowing that I have to figure out what I want to do with the second portion of my life. Soon my nest will truly be empty and I don’t want to fall apart when that happens.
I can think of 100 things I want to do with all my new-found time, that isn’t the issue. The problem is loneliness and how not to be driven crazy by the quiet. Being the mother of four kids means my home has rarely been quiet over the last 23 years. I have always felt a bit like an outsider so making friends can be hard. For the last few years, I have been working on cultivating authentic relationships with people. This can be pretty difficult because what I have learned is many people are not all that interested in authenticity. That being said, I have to keep trying.