I hope each one of you has a Blessed Beltane! Here in Wisconsin, it is gray and rainy. The sun is hiding and it is rather cold. We lit a fire in the fireplace last night so that was nice. Until yesterday I did not know what I wanted my Beltane focus to be, then all of a sudden it came together and it is perfect. Freedom. Freedom to be who I truly am. I have been feeling like I’m existing in a cage, behind tall walls. I have let those close to me silence me, I have grown smaller over the last year. Being afraid of being hurt has crippled me in so many ways.
“I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.”
― Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre
So today I’m ending all that. Freedom is what I am seeking. Today I am hacking my way through the chains and stretching my arms. It feels good to breathe! No more being quiet because of fear and no more hiding from people who have hurt me.
“Some birds are not meant to be caged, that’s all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure.”
― Stephen King, Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption: A Story from Different Seasons
I have been talking with Morrigan for the last few days. She sent me some pretty disturbing dreams last week, I know when that happens it means it is time to wake up! Her message was clear. When you are always crushing your own spirit it is not good for your wellbeing. It hurts both your physical and mental health. This winter has been long, it has been so gray lately and I have had SAD to contend with, these are all reasons for feeling the way I do. But the thing is there are other reasons, I silence myself, I isolate myself, and I make myself smaller. All of this is in response to pain. I’m trying to hide from people and situations that might hurt me.
“Happiness depends on being free, and freedom depends on being courageous.”
― Marie Rutkoski, The Winner’s Curse
Oh well, there is much work to be done here. I hope each of you has a lovely Beltane. Sorry if this post was a downer. I really am feeling very up and hopeful today!