I feel like I have been on the edge of change for so long. I have been working through past pain and letting go of big things. I have had some life changing realizations and because my pain is ebbing away I feel I can see clearly for the first time in a long time. Bullies come in all shapes and sizes. They take the form of childhood authority figures, ex-lovers, pagan community members, former friends who broke our hearts, cruel family members, and presidential candidates. I’m a sensitive empath and a lifetime of dealing with these types caused me to go into hiding. I had to figure out why these things happened to me and how to protect myself. All this work took some time. There was a time, right after I left the pagan community scene, that I had to question my beliefs. I was feeling empty and lost, and so I curled up into myself and sought healing. I went to yoga and on my mat the process of refilling my empty bowl started. After a year of healing and not working magick, I rejoined the world. The thing is, I never fully rejoined it. I was guarded, cynical, and deeply lost. I let the bullies in my life make me feel small and unworthy. I felt stuck. Like a rabbit frozen in fear and unable to decide where to dash off to. I have been existing in a place of suspended animation. I only came out of hiding to defend against further attacks. I may not have been moving much in the world, but on the inside I was busy. I was reading books, processing with allies, and untangling the past. I was reconnecting with the divine and getting back to my roots. Little by little I grew in strength and started to plan for the future. I started to dream again and I allowed my connection to the universe to remind me of my worth.
The night of the election something in me snapped. My heart felt wrecked and for a moment time seemed to stop. Yesterday I processed what happened and comforted friends and family. I felt the power of the healer inside me. I was doing good work. Tending to those grieving in my community mattered and it woke something up inside me. There was a calm still voice that said it is finally time to act. Remember who you are and let the world know that you’re still here. Isn’t it funny how energy can suddenly shift when you least expect it? Sometimes it takes a huge shocking event to wake you up and sound the alarm. My Samhain work was deep and it brought me to this place. I finished old business and this weekend I will finish even more. Although this is the season of the crone and darkness I plan to move ahead. I plan to step out of the shadows and back into life.
The Witch is back in the house!