I have been finding myself dreaming about Ostara. Along with that comes hope for more sunshine and spring weather. I often struggle to stay present in whatever moment I’m in. My mind and heart wander towards the past or into the future. This part of the year is always the hardest. The holidays are over and they leave in their wake a long stretch of gray that seems to be never-ending. Right now my home is lit up with pink and red lights leftover from Valentine’s Day. Anything to make my surroundings feel more festive and alive. I’m trying to cultivate fire to assist me in feeling less dull. Fire is something I can capture but it is hard for me to keep it burning. As I gaze out my window the snowflakes are falling and the view is both pretty and depressing. It’s easy to welcome the snow in December but much harder in mid-February. I remind myself that two months of snow isn’t that bad but that doesn’t do much to change my mood.
This week I intend to work on both cultivating fire and staying present in the moment. Of course, the Mercury retrograde isn’t going to make that second part easy. I feel like a 17-year-old who is one month away from their 18th birthday. I am so ready to burst forth into the future but I have to wait just a little bit longer.
How are you handling the winter season? What are you working on magickally?
Well, the goddess is wasting no time in talking with me about my intentions for this year. One of the areas of focus is around respecting myself. I kinda always knew this was going to lead where it has begun to go but I have not been looking forward to it. Part of respecting myself is not letting others disrespect me. I have a habit of allowing people to behave in ways that are disrespectful because I don’t want the confrontation or because I don’t want them to dislike me. In the past when I have put my foot down it has cost me relationships and people started to see me as being too tough or that my expectations were too high. I have found that within Pagan circles excellence is often looked down upon. If you exude excellence you are seen to be intimidating and intense and those are seen as negative qualities. Maybe this is why I have traditionally struggled to fit into these circles. I take my spirituality very seriously and I tend to seek out relationships with others like myself. Sometimes this means I feel isolated and misunderstood. The problem comes in when I compromise my beliefs and standards in order to fit in or have friends. I cannot allow others to disrespect me and still respect myself. Oh well, I have my work cut out for me! I think this may be the theme of my full moon work this month.
Another January has passed and I’m filled with gratitude. I feel energized and ready to turn towards planting seeds. The polar vortex has released us from her icy grip and everything is shifting. I woke up this morning with a song in my heart and inspiration overflowing my brain! I have also been working on some personal healing over the past week.
“Holy Water, Sacred Flame
Bridget, we invoke thy name
Bless my hands, my head, my heart
Source of healing, song, and art.”
Today I plan to plant my intentions for the coming year and leave offerings of gratitude for January. I will also be taking a ritual bath and rededicating myself to my path. Something about Imbolc always makes me feel fresh and hopeful. Tomorrow my coven will be doing initiations and spending some quality time together. I will light my Bridget candle and do a hearth blessing. To be honest, this is the best I have felt at Imbolc in a very long time. Usually, I’m trying to dig myself out of depression. This year I am chomping at the bit for spring!
Last week carried some crazy energy. During the full moon, I was on pins and needles because the energy felt like anything could happen. As it turns out last week was a big week for me. It was filled with tears, dragon slaying, and eventually victory! As usual, there was so much to let go of and so much good stuff to draw in. My brain was super chaotic so I went to my cards for some guidance. I asked the gods to help me gain clarity about what to release and what to cultivate. I also asked for clarity on how to take action. Often I know I need to take action but then I question myself about what action to take. I did not understand what the cards were telling me at first but within 24 hours it all became clear.
Imbolc brought with it a more soothing energy. I spent the day thinking about the returning light and my dreams for spring. I planted the seeds of my future. I sang and spent time in my sacred space. It was simple but beautiful, sometimes simple is all you need.
We started with one flame and slowly added candles to symbolize the growing light. With each candle, another aspiration was sent out into the universe. We sang and meditated on the flame until it felt right to end our ritual.
I am the spark before the fire from winters cold I do inspire I am the promise of the Spring I am the tiniest of flames.
A dancing fire upon the snow in darkest night a mighty glow I circle toward the coming spring I am all life awakening.
Mid-Winters’ slumber I do shake I coax the seed and bulb to wake I pull them slowly from their dreams I am the Maiden of the flame.
Protecting all at time of birth In love and safety draw them forth I wrap all newborns in my light I am the Maiden dressed in white
Tomorrow I hope to find time to create a love focused altar for the month of February. I have been so inspired by Molly Roberts’ work and it feels right to follow along. What are your plans for February?
I have been working with water for a season. I would love to be able to report back that all of my work has been successful. The truth is this is very hard work for me. Too much water makes me feel so heavy and (remember I am a Gemini) not enough makes me feel empty.
Strangely enough, I feel best when I’m working with water solo. I can commune with it in the tub, or at my local park. Alone with water, it is healing for me, but when I start to involve others it gets kind of out of control. Being an empath I’m always trying to figure out which energy is mine and what belongs to others. People with lots of water in their charts can be hard for me to be around for long periods of time. Boundaries, always working on boundaries.
I think the biggest lesson I have learned is that I am simply not built for tons of water. Where water comes into play in my life the wells run deep, but it isn’t where I feel at home. I most want to be up in the sky with the birds or nestled down on the grass with the mother.
For now, I am going to give my water work a rest. I need to bring myself back into balance and what I need most is fire and some air.
Happy Imbolc! I cannot tell you how glad I am to see January in my rear view mirror. My Imbolc celebrations have been simple but satisfying. I put out a bowl to collect snow for my bottle of holy water, sadly it did not snow enough for me to really collect anything. I spent time tending to my plants and baking bread. I reorganized my kitchen and got rid of stuff I no longer need. I cleaned up my home and today I plan to do a house blessing. Thanks to Bridget I have experienced a big surge of creative energy! It feels good to have that flame reignited within me. This month is going to be very busy and stressful so I need all the help I can get.