September is here and I am loving the energy already. Normally Pisces energy doesn’t really feel energizing to me but today I am full to overflowing. My altar is lit up and magick is brewing in my cauldron. My goals for this month are ambitious and exciting. I am more than willing to allow the summer to give way to autumn. This summer has had its blessings but it has also exhausted me. Healing has been the name of the game this summer and now I am more than ready to move onto something else. September is also the time of the year when I start to think about Samhain and ready myself for the work it brings. I can feel myself turning inward already. This full moon brings with it a desire for deeper everything. Deep conversations, deep friendship, and deep work. Shadow work has been going on all summer and I have to wonder where it will go during the turn towards the dark. I recognize it might seem like I’m jumping ahead and maybe I am, I always start to feel the dark creeping in during this season. I hope this full moon finds you blessed!
I have been on a vacation of sorts. Two weeks ago my doctor expressed that she thought I needed to take it easy for a couple of weeks and give myself a break. That was a tall order because I tend to be rather type-A in my personality. Now I am at the end of my vacation and I can agree that she was right. One thing I did while on this break was I stopped my daily altar time and instead just let my relationship with the gods flow naturally. I think this was a good thing. Over the last couple of weeks, I have been giving more offerings and trying to engage with gratitude more. This can be hard because I have been in so much physical pain. Now that I am going back to my routine I am trying to decide what practices to keep and what to release. I have been spending a fair amount of time in the woods and by the water and one thing I know for sure is that my practice needs more of this. I can hear the goddess so much more clearly when I am surrounded by nature. The picture above is of one of my favorite watery places. Something about this water calms my spirit and heals me. I am not calm by nature, anyone who knows me can tell you that. So it is a miracle that when I sit by these banks my whole being becomes still. I treasure stillness because it is so hard to come by.
The full moon is tomorrow and I have no idea what I am going to do. I am sure it will come to me as it usually does, at the last minute. Right now I am just grateful that the gods have helped me find a way to meet my needs. I am a much better witch when I have a wild place to commune with.
How have you been doing? The world is kind of a tough place right now. I hope you’re all well!
I have become a bird watcher. In truth this makes me feel kind of old but I’ve decided to embrace it. They are all so different and their little habits so interesting. Right now I am trying to charm my neighborhood crows. So far I’ve had more luck with the squirrels so the struggle continues. I am a Gemini so my affinity for birds should surprise no one. When I first became a witch I had a very vivid lucid dream about flying that took my breath away. I had never had a dream like that before and I’ve never had one since. It seemed to be a message from the universe to say that I was on the right spiritual track.
Yesterday started off weird. I’m not a Scorpio moon fan and a Scorpio full moon can really throw me for a loop. I felt like my emotions were all over the place. Something came to a head within my heart while I was finishing a full moon tarot reading. I have been struggling with this highly personal issue for about a month now. I kept going to the gods with it trying to figure out why it was coming up and exactly what I was supposed to do with it. You know how it is when the universe wants you to look at something, it can just keep putting it in your face in different ways. So this kept going on over April and into May and so yesterday I asked The Morrighan for some clarity and answers. I read my cards and tried to find the truth there and all that did for me was bring up more questions. Bleh…My full moon plan was to work on courage and so I did my work and stepped away from my altar. Suddenly everything became clear and I felt that steely courage that only The Morrighan can encourage. I discovered that my issue was all tied up with my need for courage. I was seeing all the pretty ways courage would help me and not seeing this painful thing that could benefit from courage. So I took action and it was easier than I expected it to be and just like that, I felt free from what had been dogging me for over a month. Sorry, I’m being so cryptic it is just that this issue is very personal and hard for me to talk about. I debated whether or not to blog about it and decided there was value in sharing even if I don’t give you all of the specifics. I confronted something hard and because of that, I have let go of yet another issue making my transformation easier.
It’s funny how the full moon can surprise you. I never expected yesterday to pan out like it did but I’m so happy. I have additional freedom that will make turning 50 so much easier. As I leave behind the thoughts, patterns, and habits that have held me back up until now I feel freer to fly like my bird friends into the second half of my life.
Next month I’m turning 50! It seems unreal and impossible. I have been preparing for this big birthday for the last year. I have been casting off the things which I do not want to carry into the next half of my life and cultivating tools that will help me when the calendar turns. I feel the queen/mother energy flowing through me strongly and I can see the crone waiting in the wings. When I start my new solar year I want to hit the ground running! The biggest shift is moving from mothering into creating. Not creating new life but projects. I have always created groups and projects but I’ve always had to look after others while doing this instead of being able to throw myself into things with abandon and to some degree selfishness. I’ve had an empty nest for a couple of years now and I have been slowly shifting into this new phase of life. Since Samhain, I have been focusing on figuring out what I want the second half of my life to look like. That is the easy part, the harder part has been being willing to take time for indulging my dreams and wants versus always thinking about the family first. I had my first child at age 22 and I have to figure out who I am all over again!
On the upcoming full moon, my focus will be courage. When you have kids at home you can always have an excuse for not doing things. When those babies move on it removes so much from your life and opens up so much time. Now the only thing stopping me is often my lack of courage to step out of the shadows and like the Fool card step out into a new adventure.
Right now I am more excited than nervous. I feel supported by Morrighan, Dagda, and Brigid and maybe pushed a little bit, but it is a good push. What will you be working on for the full moon?
Well, the world is a mess right now and I have been struggling to focus. On top of that, I have been feeling so much rage. I am currently trying to write a memoir about my childhood and that process is stirring all of the ghosts from the past. Part of my attempt to stay balanced in this time of uncertainty has been to take many many long walks with my dog. Maverick is a wonderful teacher with regards to staying present in the moment. He is the court jester reminding me to laugh and his joy when we are outdoors is infectious.
Yesterday while walking I took some time to really talk with Morrighan. I shared with her all of my rage and frustration. I didn’t hear much back probably because I wasn’t able to hear with all of my emotions pouring out. This morning I felt much calmer and I feel like I am hearing her speak to me.
It feels good to have this connection with my Matron deity. She is always responsive but right now things are so scary and hard. Today I plan to try to listen and plan for tomorrow’s full moon. I had no plans to work big magick tomorrow but that has all changed this morning. I’m hoping as the day unfolds I will have a clearer image of what needs to be done.
I hope all of you are doing well and staying healthy. What are your plans for the full moon? How are you keeping your balance during this hard time?
Well, I survived the holiday season and I’m more than ready to move forward. The universe threw me a bit of a curveball over the month of December. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and so I have been spending a fair amount of time figuring out how to manage that. I have been spending time every day using EFT and meditation to help me get back on my feet. Despite what has been going on with my health I’m feeling super energized about this year and what it holds for me. I turn 50 in June and so I’m trying to clean up my life a little. I want to create something fresh for myself for the second half of my life.
Yesterday for the full moon I incorporated some yoga into my ritual time. I used the Cancer energy to help me mother myself and engage in self-care. I took extra care to cleanse my space and make it as nice as possible so I could truly relax and not be distracted by anything. It was pretty delicious! After that, I took a nap and then when I woke up I took a bath. In the evening I spent some time finishing a book I have been reading. All in all, it was a great way to spend the full moon.
I have been feeling a little off the last couple of weeks. It isn’t that I have been feeling bad it’s more that I have been feeling numb and stuck. Last night after doing my full moon work I started to feel a breakthrough coming. Spirit gave me a gentle reminder that when I tend to my spiritual practice I can make things happen and that I have more power to change my world than I sometimes believe I do. I tried my best to listen to my intuition and the messages coming from Morrighan and then suddenly it all bubbled up. For a long long time, I have been working to release scarcity and it feels like it is never totally gone. Facing another Samhain and contemplating what I want to let go of led me to think about scarcity again. Part of my process is to dig deeper and turn things over in my mind to see if I’m missing something. All this introspection led me to something that seems simple but also something I never considered. This thing bleeds over into so many parts of my life and in some pretty profound ways. I don’t trust myself. I’m worried about losing control. This all leads back to childhood as most roads do and I don’t intend to get into all of that today.
It isn’t scarcity that I fear, I fear that I might make stupid money choices leaving me without enough. This leads to hating money and never enjoying spending it. I’m always working to attract abundance and money but how can you attract something that you hate? This also impacts my body acceptance issues. I don’t trust myself to eat right or to know how often I should exercise. When my body tells me it needs rest in the afternoon my internal talk is always about how I shouldn’t need rest. All this needs to change. I’m going to work on letting go of the distrust I have concerning listening to my inner voice. I already know that deep self-love needs to happen next year so I’m going to let go of the voices that tell me that I do not deserve love. Lastly, I need to work on self-respect. I need to listen to and respect the needs that I often ignore. That is a lot but it is all-important work and it is all connected.
This bleeds over into the community work I want to do next year. I have to trust my inner wisdom and know that I will make good choices when it comes to connections. It is the people part of the Pagan community that I fear. That fear is a big hump to get over but I know I can do it with the help of Spirit.
What messages did the universe send your way for the full moon? Do you plan to let go of things for Samhain?
It feels like autumn and I am thrilled about it. Autumn is when I feel the most alive and inspired. My hope is that I can really soak it all in this year and through that have enough energy to get me through the winter. The last couple of weeks have been so fruitful in the magick department. I created a ritual to reconnect and rededicate myself to my journey as a priestess. This seems to always happen this time of the year. I never plan it that way it just seems to be the right time. So once again I am faced with the question, “What are you willing to do in order to deepen your practice?” Along with this I have been thinking some about Mabon and what I want to harvest. In some ways I think I have that harvest already but who knows there might be more coming. I am also starting to think about my word of the year. I always chose a new word at Samhain so around this time I start writing down possibilities. Usually about three days before Samhain I feel pretty sure about what the word will be.
Last night I worked my full moon ritual and took a moonlit walk with my husband and dog. The ritual was lovely and personal. I talked so much over with Morrighan. We have been doing so much of that lately. Just talking and I have been making more time to be quiet and listen. Sometimes my practice is more about the magick and some times it is more about connection with the Goddess. Right now I’m in a very intense season of connection. I’m so grateful for this path that I’m on because the world can be a very harsh place and at time I feel so powerless. Morrighan reminds me of my ability to create change.
Did you do anything special to celebrate the full moon?
Last week carried some crazy energy. During the full moon, I was on pins and needles because the energy felt like anything could happen. As it turns out last week was a big week for me. It was filled with tears, dragon slaying, and eventually victory! As usual, there was so much to let go of and so much good stuff to draw in. My brain was super chaotic so I went to my cards for some guidance. I asked the gods to help me gain clarity about what to release and what to cultivate. I also asked for clarity on how to take action. Often I know I need to take action but then I question myself about what action to take. I did not understand what the cards were telling me at first but within 24 hours it all became clear.
Imbolc brought with it a more soothing energy. I spent the day thinking about the returning light and my dreams for spring. I planted the seeds of my future. I sang and spent time in my sacred space. It was simple but beautiful, sometimes simple is all you need.
We started with one flame and slowly added candles to symbolize the growing light. With each candle, another aspiration was sent out into the universe. We sang and meditated on the flame until it felt right to end our ritual.
I am the spark before the fire from winters cold I do inspire I am the promise of the Spring I am the tiniest of flames.
A dancing fire upon the snow in darkest night a mighty glow I circle toward the coming spring I am all life awakening.
Mid-Winters’ slumber I do shake I coax the seed and bulb to wake I pull them slowly from their dreams I am the Maiden of the flame.
Protecting all at time of birth In love and safety draw them forth I wrap all newborns in my light I am the Maiden dressed in white
Tomorrow I hope to find time to create a love focused altar for the month of February. I have been so inspired by Molly Roberts’ work and it feels right to follow along. What are your plans for February?
Every Samhain I pick a word of the year. That word will guide my journey until the next Samhain. My word for this year is Restoration. I knew this word would be a tough one but it kept coming up over and over. If there is one thing I know, you should not ignore the Universe. Restoration has been hard to get a handle on. The first half of the year was not easy. That makes sense, in order to restore you have to remove dead wood and drive fresh nails. In order to restore you have to know what you are restoring to. During this process, I have spent time combing over the past and trying to recall the parts of myself that have been lost. I have examined relationships and projects I once cared about. I have been thinking about ambition, passion, and fear. Things really started to heat up around the last Mercury retrograde, then things became really hot at the last full moon in Scorpio. Since then I have been feeling really overwhelmed by the energy of this work. Do you ever feel like the gods are f*cking with you? That is how I have been feeling. I have been caught off guard in some pretty uncomfortable ways lately. These situations have been in my face and hard to run from or ignore. No kid gloves for me or subtlety. I have been asking for clarity and Morrigan has dished it up. Be careful what you ask for… Freedom has also been a theme this year, kind of running in the background. I have started asking myself, why do I feel like a caged bird, and when did I feel freedom. What was happening in my life during that time, why is that gone now, and how do I cultivate it again.
People hurt me. When they do I run from other things that I love. It isn’t the people from my past that I miss so much as the work, the projects, and the purpose. I am a sensitive soul and I have allowed aggressive people to take away my power and other things I once felt passionate about. I have to learn not to give them my power, I have to learn to tune out the haters. This might sound simple but trust me it is some of the hardest spiritual work I have ever done. An old friend described me the other day as fearless, courageous, brave, amazing, and tenacious. I was dumbfounded, I don’t know that version of myself anymore. I’m searching for her now. Morrigan says there is work to be done and I better get ready.