With Ostara arriving soon I have been thinking about my inner child. I celebrate the young maiden Goddess for this turn of the wheel. When I imagine myself at that age it often brings sadness because my childhood was very traumatic. Luckily I have fairly good memories of Easter and so I can use them to fuel my Ostara work. My mother would buy me an Easter basket every year and I was always so excited to dig through the fake grass hoping to find the perfect piece of candy. When I grew a little older my mother would buy me a lily to wear to church. I felt like a big girl and I would spend most of the service smelling my flower. Sometimes my basket would have bubbles or a jump rope, or maybe a new Barbie doll. No matter what was inside it was magical! Every Easter would bring a new dress no matter how little money we had. I don’t know how my mother did this, again like magic she made miracles happen.
During this week leading up to Ostara I intend to indulge my inner little girl. I’m going to try to capture her sparkle and way of looking at the world. I’m going to try to call some of her sweetness back to me. She is who I was before I became so guarded. She is wild and affectionate, she is the part of me who loves freely without worry. She is dandelion chains and frilly socks, she is about to bloom and unaware of what is coming.
How will you celebrate Ostara? I’m going to put up some of my decor today and this weekend I will cook some delicious food. I will probably play with my puppy outside just like I did when I was a girl. Some things never change and I can hear the echos of her, my child self calling me to come outside and play.
I have been putting off writing this post because I just haven’t been feeling the energy. I think Ostara might be a struggle for many of us given what is going on in our world right now. Times like these make me glad to have spiritual traditions to help me get through. I have been finding myself struggling to remember what day it is, it feels like we are in a timeless state right now. Everything feels so heavy and not much like maiden energy. This just means I have to work a little harder to hear what Mother Earth is saying. All I know is that I intend to get outside to count all the signs of spring I can find. I also plan to make a yummy brunch and find some way to engage with my younger self. Healing work has been the norm around here and that will continue as well.
Yesterday was Ostara. My husband and I had a lovely little ritual. In my attempts to connect with this turn of the wheel something bubbled up. I struggle to connect with joy and pleasure. The seeds of this problem start in my childhood. My hope is that I will be able to take advantage of the Ostara season to reconnect with joy and pleasure.
During my childhood morality was assigned to every choice. Was it ultimately good or bad? Godly or sinful? A piece of cake might be delicious but you must be mindful of not being a glutton or of eating too many sweets. A day in the park playing was all fine and good but be sure to get that homework done and look out for strangers. All of this may seem minor but every choice was followed by the idea that god was watching and keeping a list of your wrong choices. I no longer believe any of that but the messages still speak to me when I’m enjoying something too much. This thinking has made me hyper-vigilant and when you are in that state of mind joy cannot come forward.
Yesterday during my ritual planning and during the ritual itself, I tried to let my inner child out to enjoy the fun. Right now I’m working on joy and I’m hoping to lean into pleasure for the Beltane season. Ostara energy is perfect for letting out my inner girl! I’m going to take more time to play and seek out the things that make my heart sing.
If you have been reading my blog for awhile then you know that balance is always something I am striving for. I have been engaging in some pretty intense shadow work for the last few months and so to balance that out I have been working on some art projects. Art always makes me feel better.
This project was inspired by Molly Roberts over at HerSpeak. I created this to serve as a backdrop on my altar. My plan is to use it during the fertility holidays coming up. Layered in the background are the Goddesses that made up my solstice garland. I wanted to show the fading of winter and the coming forward of the spring. I had so much fun creating this piece. It really helped me to get in touch with my inner child.
Over the weekend I cleaned up my altar space and decorated for Ostara. I love all of the bunnies and eggs. I used an old Ostara tree decoration that my kids put up every year as the centerpiece of my altar.
I’m grateful for this cheerful space to remind me that I cannot be all shadow all the time! As we move from Ostara into Beltane it will become more adult focused.
My shadow work has been so good. I feel like I am being transformed every day. It is good but it is not easy. I have a feeling the spells are going to be flying off my fingertips on the next full moon?
I am wishing for spring. This winter has felt so long. Today I have the day off. I spent a bit of time at the park trying to soak up some of the natural world.
I have stayed very healthy all winter and then a little over a week ago I got slammed. It started as a little cold and escalated to a weird flu thing. I’m at the end of it now but I’m struggling to shake it off. This has made it hard for me to focus on Ostara the way I would normally want to. I’m going to try to make time for meditation tomorrow. I know that I need it. I’m feeling terribly off balance right now.
The good news is the signs of spring are all around me. The robins are out and tiny green things are pushing through the soil. Maverick is delighting in all of the mud and puddles around. His usually white paws are splashed with brown. He was my good buddy on my walk around the park today.
Right now I am grateful that spring is around the corner. As I write this a song comes to mind…
“Lachen, lachen, lachen, lachen
Kommt die Sonne uber das Feld.
Uber das Feld, kommt die Sonne
Ha ha ha, ha ha ha
Uber das Feld.
Laughing, laughing, laughing, laughing
Comes Aurora over the hill.
Over the hill, comes Aurora,
Ha ha ha, ha ha ha
Over the Hill.”
Whenever I hear this song it calls to mind the young goddess frolicking with her bunny companion. When she arrives I will be ready to share a giggle and hopefully, she will color the world something other than gray.