I have been on a vacation of sorts. Two weeks ago my doctor expressed that she thought I needed to take it easy for a couple of weeks and give myself a break. That was a tall order because I tend to be rather type-A in my personality. Now I am at the end of my vacation and I can agree that she was right. One thing I did while on this break was I stopped my daily altar time and instead just let my relationship with the gods flow naturally. I think this was a good thing. Over the last couple of weeks, I have been giving more offerings and trying to engage with gratitude more. This can be hard because I have been in so much physical pain. Now that I am going back to my routine I am trying to decide what practices to keep and what to release. I have been spending a fair amount of time in the woods and by the water and one thing I know for sure is that my practice needs more of this. I can hear the goddess so much more clearly when I am surrounded by nature. The picture above is of one of my favorite watery places. Something about this water calms my spirit and heals me. I am not calm by nature, anyone who knows me can tell you that. So it is a miracle that when I sit by these banks my whole being becomes still. I treasure stillness because it is so hard to come by.
The full moon is tomorrow and I have no idea what I am going to do. I am sure it will come to me as it usually does, at the last minute. Right now I am just grateful that the gods have helped me find a way to meet my needs. I am a much better witch when I have a wild place to commune with.
How have you been doing? The world is kind of a tough place right now. I hope you’re all well!
Restoration may have been my word for last year but the vibrations are still washing over me. Technically that word ended at Samhain and Create started, but the Universe runs on her own time. Last year after the election I had some of the darkest days I have ever had. In most respects, this past year was a dumpster fire. In my personal life, 2017 brought many ups and downs but more ups than downs. Restoration pushed me to engage with skills that I have not used in a very long time. I dusted off my old networking hat and organized the hell out of things. Last year started small and simple but the closer we got to the end (I’m not sure the Universe is done with me yet) the deeper it all went. Samhain came and went and I thought I was moving onto other things. The crone was waiting for me and she took me to some really dark places. Rooms in my childhood that have not been opened in a very long time. Memories flooded back and challenged me to see them in a new light. These rooms held deep wounds and it was pretty frightening pulling the curtain back, but with Her help, I faced those old demons and I’m glad I did. She showed me that there is support out there and that although my child self-suffered in silence my adult self could find understanding. Through this process, I have more compassion for my child self and I can see her for what she truly was, an innocent.
On the lighter side, I went back to dance class today. It was a very joyful experience. I felt the Goddess (may have been Bast) smiling down on and me and telling me this was Restoration too. I have not been to dance class for about 2 years. It felt good to shake off the stress of the holidays and engage with that part of myself that loves to get lost in the music.
Create/Creatrix has started as well. I have started a new coven and I have been creating systems and planning events. I am making lots of fiber art and writing more. It feels like Create is the reward for all of the Restoration I have been doing. I am super excited about spring and what that turn of the wheel will bring.
If any of you are thinking of working with Restoration make sure you are ready for it. Restoration is not an easy process but it is rewarding in the end. Do you have a word you are working with?
My Samhain harvest was wonderful and this year was a big year for manifestation. I’m feeling like all of my hard work paid off in a big way! I have many new things happening right now and I’m trying not to rush headlong into things. So far my new coven is working pretty well. This is my first attempt at having a teaching coven. In the past, I have tended to work with folks who were more seasoned. Teaching has always been a challenge and I have to keep reminding myself that I can inspire if I just put myself in the right headspace. I also made my first video for my new Youtube channel. I’m hoping through this channel I can meet some new people and build some new friendships and connections. The video is pretty far out of my comfort zone. I’m sure there will be negative folks out there. I have to keep reminding myself that negative people can just be ignored. My Etsy store is back up and I’m hoping to have some cool witchy items in there soon.
This last step in my year of restoration has brought me the greatest joy! When I am working on this area of my life I feel like I am right where I am supposed to be in the universe. It brings me so much happiness to know my heart still sings when I engage with helping others in their practice. Bliss is the word I’m reaching for. I know it will not always be easy. Dealing with the personalities can be really draining. That being said, helping others and seeing them really understand and grow is pretty uplifting.
I am grateful. I’m grateful for my craft, the gods and ancestors, and all the people who stood by me when things were hard.
How did your Samhain season go? Can you believe that Yule is right around the corner? I know I’m not ready for that!
It might seem like an odd time of year to be talking about new life but I have some to share. I have been wondering what my big harvest is going to be this year. What I have discovered is that starting a new coven is my big harvest. Now I knew this was coming but I did not think it would come this fast. That being said, the goddess (Morrighan) has been pushing me out of my comfort zone and back into the mix since last spring. I’m one of those people who plans and thinks about something and then when the time feels right I pull the trigger. I often can feel it coming but I just don’t know how soon. When it happens it usually surprises others but I’m often more than ready to go. My mind is buzzing with ideas and excitement at this new adventure. I feel truly restored after a year of working on it. I’m not as afraid as I thought I might be. I have done a lot of letting go and so I’m not so worried about what others will think or how they will respond. Don’t worry, I’m going to be careful to heed the lessons learned from the past. It feels good to be in the center of where I want to be after striving for so long.
What do you want to harvest at Samhain?
Lughnasadh has come and gone. Energetically it felt like it blew into town with some pretty powerful fire behind it. I did some strong magick, in fact I kind of surprised myself because I have been feeling pretty low energy lately. It felt good to let my witchy hair down and to let go a little bit. My first harvest of this season has started with mint, lots and lots of mint. I am grateful! Mint has long been one of my favorite herbs.
I bought this small memo book to use as an Autumnal Book of Shadows. My intention is to use it to focus my devotion during the harvest season. One thing Lughnasadh brought in for me was a harvest of people and projects. Now I’ve got to sift through it all and decide what should stay and what should go. I am feeling pretty overwhelmed with all of the people clamoring for my time and energy. I have a surplus of projects to work on within the sphere of political activism. This is mostly good, I just have to figure out how to manage it all.
On the Pagan front, I have been meeting with folks and contemplating community. I feel the push of the goddess to get back to work. I will not lie, this scares the crap out of me! I have no idea what I am going to do but I do feel the tick tock of the clock. My goal is to get out to some community events or host one of my own before Samhain.
How was your Lughnasadh?
I know I have not been posting much lately. I feel bad about that because this blog matters to me. I have been absent because I have been busy with the task of restoration. Morrigan has been my muse and Bridget has helped me strike my target over and over. I decided that since I’m moving a bit slower today, head cold, I would sit down and pound out an update.
One of the biggest lessons I have learned through this process is the more fully I become myself the more my strength is revealed. My current struggle is with my voice. I feel like I am acting from a place of power and I’m seeing some wonderful results. When I start to struggle is when I need to raise my voice to be heard or when I need to speak up in disagreement. I have been doing some pretty intense political organizing on the grassroots level and let me tell you it can be hard to be heard even when you are all on the same team. Add to that being a woman and being Mexican American, and you can start to see how it might be hard. The universe is putting me in situations where I have to fight to be heard and it has been pretty challenging.
On the up side, I have been enjoying life more and I feel like I’m well on my way to meeting my goals this year. The wheel keeps turning and soon it will turn towards harvest. I have a feeling my harvest will be bountiful and challenging. I just had my 47th birthday and I think this might be one of my best years yet.
Every Samhain I pick a word of the year. That word will guide my journey until the next Samhain. My word for this year is Restoration. I knew this word would be a tough one but it kept coming up over and over. If there is one thing I know, you should not ignore the Universe. Restoration has been hard to get a handle on. The first half of the year was not easy. That makes sense, in order to restore you have to remove dead wood and drive fresh nails. In order to restore you have to know what you are restoring to. During this process, I have spent time combing over the past and trying to recall the parts of myself that have been lost. I have examined relationships and projects I once cared about. I have been thinking about ambition, passion, and fear. Things really started to heat up around the last Mercury retrograde, then things became really hot at the last full moon in Scorpio. Since then I have been feeling really overwhelmed by the energy of this work. Do you ever feel like the gods are f*cking with you? That is how I have been feeling. I have been caught off guard in some pretty uncomfortable ways lately. These situations have been in my face and hard to run from or ignore. No kid gloves for me or subtlety. I have been asking for clarity and Morrigan has dished it up. Be careful what you ask for… Freedom has also been a theme this year, kind of running in the background. I have started asking myself, why do I feel like a caged bird, and when did I feel freedom. What was happening in my life during that time, why is that gone now, and how do I cultivate it again.
People hurt me. When they do I run from other things that I love. It isn’t the people from my past that I miss so much as the work, the projects, and the purpose. I am a sensitive soul and I have allowed aggressive people to take away my power and other things I once felt passionate about. I have to learn not to give them my power, I have to learn to tune out the haters. This might sound simple but trust me it is some of the hardest spiritual work I have ever done. An old friend described me the other day as fearless, courageous, brave, amazing, and tenacious. I was dumbfounded, I don’t know that version of myself anymore. I’m searching for her now. Morrigan says there is work to be done and I better get ready.