I have become a bird watcher. In truth this makes me feel kind of old but I’ve decided to embrace it. They are all so different and their little habits so interesting. Right now I am trying to charm my neighborhood crows. So far I’ve had more luck with the squirrels so the struggle continues. I am a Gemini so my affinity for birds should surprise no one. When I first became a witch I had a very vivid lucid dream about flying that took my breath away. I had never had a dream like that before and I’ve never had one since. It seemed to be a message from the universe to say that I was on the right spiritual track.
Yesterday started off weird. I’m not a Scorpio moon fan and a Scorpio full moon can really throw me for a loop. I felt like my emotions were all over the place. Something came to a head within my heart while I was finishing a full moon tarot reading. I have been struggling with this highly personal issue for about a month now. I kept going to the gods with it trying to figure out why it was coming up and exactly what I was supposed to do with it. You know how it is when the universe wants you to look at something, it can just keep putting it in your face in different ways. So this kept going on over April and into May and so yesterday I asked The Morrighan for some clarity and answers. I read my cards and tried to find the truth there and all that did for me was bring up more questions. Bleh…My full moon plan was to work on courage and so I did my work and stepped away from my altar. Suddenly everything became clear and I felt that steely courage that only The Morrighan can encourage. I discovered that my issue was all tied up with my need for courage. I was seeing all the pretty ways courage would help me and not seeing this painful thing that could benefit from courage. So I took action and it was easier than I expected it to be and just like that, I felt free from what had been dogging me for over a month. Sorry, I’m being so cryptic it is just that this issue is very personal and hard for me to talk about. I debated whether or not to blog about it and decided there was value in sharing even if I don’t give you all of the specifics. I confronted something hard and because of that, I have let go of yet another issue making my transformation easier.
It’s funny how the full moon can surprise you. I never expected yesterday to pan out like it did but I’m so happy. I have additional freedom that will make turning 50 so much easier. As I leave behind the thoughts, patterns, and habits that have held me back up until now I feel freer to fly like my bird friends into the second half of my life.
Happy Wednesday witches! Today I am launching my Samhain special. If you would like a Samhain themed tarot reading from me please reach out to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. This special will be running until October 28th. When you email me we can discuss what kind of guidance you would like.
Imbolc will be here before we know it and so I have been taking some time to think about the coming spring. Last year was a mixed bag of really high highs and really low lows. At Samhain I spent a lot of time considering what I might bring into this year and what needs work. I know I need to spend some time on my root chakra. I have known about this problem for a really long time and have just keep ignoring it and putting it on a shelf for later. Of course that only means that now it is a very big problem and is blocking me in so many areas of my life. I also took some time yesterday to choose a card of the year. This is something I do not normally do but I felt like the goddess was telling me I should. I drew the Queen of Swords.
So I guess I will not only be working on my root chakra but also my throat chakra. When I think about it I have been feeling a little blocked in that area. To be honest, I felt a little off the whole winter holiday season, not bad, just not myself. Luckily I am very well acquainted with this queen. This card has felt like “my” card my whole life and so maybe some of what I need to do it get back to myself. So this is my work plan for the year…
Card: Queen of Swords
Chakra: Root and throat.
I can feel the stirrings of imbolc already and the energy is delicious. It is fresh and full of hope. It is the gentle sunlight of early morning streaming through the window whispering, “it’s time to wake up.” I am fully here for that energy. For once I do not feel the desire to rush ahead or dream about Beltane.
At first glance I thought this card might be a bad one, but it was a pleasant surprise.
Key words: Renewed interest, motivation, enthusiasm, moving forward, letting go, new experiences and people.
After thinking about it I realize that this card is perfect for where I am right now. I have been sorting and sifting through the bad community experiences I have had. This has been going on for a long time and every time I think it is over there is another layer there to overcome. In the end what has helped me the most is talking with others who have had similar experiences and doing some powerful shadow work. I have had to really dig deep to discover why I made the choices I made and why I reacted the way I did. Shadow work can be brutal and it requires heaps of self-compassion. This work has led me to a renaissance in my own practice. Along with negative community, I have left behind practices that no longer serve me, and I have embraced new practices. Some of this journey has led me back to where I started when I first found witchcraft. I’m at this wonderful place where my practice feels juicy again.
The time for being hurt is over, or so this card can sometimes say. I feel it might be right, I think I have reached the bottom of my pain with regards to community. I certainly have no plans to give that experience or those people any power over me anymore. Like attracts like. In the end, I was not like them and that is why it did not work. Such a simple answer, but there is so much truth there. I kept trying to find a way to fit in, now I no longer want that. My power, as a witch, has a lot to do with my being myself. I feel ready to connect with witches who want to share skills and ideas. I know I can learn from others and I’ve got some meaningful things to share. I want to share the craft with individuals and not groups. That is a powerful distinction.
The card for this week is the Death card. When I first drew this card I was kind of confused, but then a lightbulb went off. I have been feeling a bit lonely. It can be hard when your children grow up and move on with their lives. My youngest will be 17 in August and she just doesn’t need me that much. Each step she takes towards adulthood leaves me feeling a bit more empty. I think the Death card is telling me once again that it is time to let go. I know that it is better to listen than to struggle when this card appears. More and more I am faced with knowing that I have to figure out what I want to do with the second portion of my life. Soon my nest will truly be empty and I don’t want to fall apart when that happens.
I can think of 100 things I want to do with all my new-found time, that isn’t the issue. The problem is loneliness and how not to be driven crazy by the quiet. Being the mother of four kids means my home has rarely been quiet over the last 23 years. I have always felt a bit like an outsider so making friends can be hard. For the last few years, I have been working on cultivating authentic relationships with people. This can be pretty difficult because what I have learned is many people are not all that interested in authenticity. That being said, I have to keep trying.
This week’s card could not be more on target. I pulled the Eight of Discs which is the card of Skill. Keywords for this card:
Raising the Bar
I have been in the thick of it lately. Ambition overload! Being a Gemini I like to juggle a bunch of balls all at once. So this means I am working on a lot right now. But I love it! I love that feeling when all the gears are turning and all of the synapses are firing. This is a good card for right now, I couldn’t be happier.
This is kind of late going up, but here is my card of the week.
The Star card is a bit more upbeat when compared to last week’s card. I feel like the main message of this card is relief and time to heal. There are also some themes of liberation and freedom associated with this card. I’m working with both of these ideas right now.
I am starting a new habit of drawing a tarot card to guide me through each week. Here is the card I drew for this week.
This card comes as no surprise to me. It means obstacles, not enough clarity, and needing to slow down. This is right where I am at. I need more time to heal and figure out what my next moves should be. It could be easy to rush into new projects but I know that isn’t right for me right now.