Whew! I have been going through it lately! I have experienced this before and I know that this is the tilling of my life that preceeds a huge season of growth. Whenever the soil of my inner life is worked, turned over, over and over again, it is a very painful process. Things are cut off and pulled out, displaced and disguarded. My nights are sleepless as my body vibrates with anxiety and vigilance. Typically I view this vigilance as a by product of my childhood trauma, now I’m trying to see it as the vigilance of my spirit awaiting the new growth about to arrive.
Beltane is coming soon and I can hear and feel its song in the distance. It will bring with it flowers and sunshine, dancing and a bursting forth of new possibilities. This soil that has been painfully turned over will create space for my new self to push through. So for now, I’m trying to embrace this season of pain and struggle. I trust the universe that the wheel is always turning and soon the rewards of hard work and endurance will come to me.
Spring is a messy season and I’m feeling kind of messy right now. It has been rainy this week but every so often the sun peeks out to remind me that it will not always be gray.
With Ostara arriving soon I have been thinking about my inner child. I celebrate the young maiden Goddess for this turn of the wheel. When I imagine myself at that age it often brings sadness because my childhood was very traumatic. Luckily I have fairly good memories of Easter and so I can use them to fuel my Ostara work. My mother would buy me an Easter basket every year and I was always so excited to dig through the fake grass hoping to find the perfect piece of candy. When I grew a little older my mother would buy me a lily to wear to church. I felt like a big girl and I would spend most of the service smelling my flower. Sometimes my basket would have bubbles or a jump rope, or maybe a new Barbie doll. No matter what was inside it was magical! Every Easter would bring a new dress no matter how little money we had. I don’t know how my mother did this, again like magic she made miracles happen.
During this week leading up to Ostara I intend to indulge my inner little girl. I’m going to try to capture her sparkle and way of looking at the world. I’m going to try to call some of her sweetness back to me. She is who I was before I became so guarded. She is wild and affectionate, she is the part of me who loves freely without worry. She is dandelion chains and frilly socks, she is about to bloom and unaware of what is coming.
How will you celebrate Ostara? I’m going to put up some of my decor today and this weekend I will cook some delicious food. I will probably play with my puppy outside just like I did when I was a girl. Some things never change and I can hear the echos of her, my child self calling me to come outside and play.
We moved last week. For the last few days I have been trying to get in touch with the earth on the property we moved to. We haven’t had much snow this year so I took advantage of it. I found a spot under a tree and I laid down on the ground. I ran my fingers over the grass and then pressed my palms into the soft earth. For the first time since we moved I was able to pour all of my anxiety into the earth
As I gazed up at the tree I whispered my secrets and asked the tree to share her secrets with me. She spoke to me and told me her name is the mother tree. She shared her calm life-giving energy with me. I felt like I could just fall asleep under her. My little puppy Sansa came and laid with me. Together we enjoyed the moment dozing in the peace of the warm earth. After a while, we went inside and took a long nap together. I have really bad insomnia so any time I can sleep deeply and well it is a good thing. I woke up feeling so rested and relaxed. I’m planning to take an offering out to her later on today. I’m so grateful for the calming energy. My new backyard already feels like a sanctuary and I already feel a part of the community. A couple of days ago my husband and I took out offerings of gratitude for our new property and I went around and introduced myself to the land. I can’t wait to spend more time out there working magick and communing with nature.
The Virgo new moon is finally here and she couldn’t arrive soon enough. I have been feeling stuck in stagnant energy and then yesterday, POW, even before the new moon hit I felt something break loose inside me. I’m sure that I do not need to tell you that this year is different than any other we have experienced. It has been a loaded year for me and I’m am seriously looking forward to going within during October. I have been working on healing all year and I’ve made some huge strides. As the new moon was approaching I became aware of it’s healing potential but I was feeling pretty ambivalent about it. Yesterday I was minding my own business questioning in my head what I was going to do for the new moon and then suddenly Innana and Lillith came to call. I have worked with both of these Goddesses in the past so it wasn’t a complete shocker. They made it pretty clear what they thought I should be working on and suddenly it all made sense. I love it when the gods speak so clearly to you and it all comes together. The healing work I need to focus on is deep childhood stuff. I have been doing this work already but Innnana and Lillith showed me a different angle that I had not considered. This work could have big ramifications in other parts of my life that I have been struggling with. Along with this I now have some clarity regarding some things I want to work on during the Samhain season.
I hope you all have a wonderful new moon and Mabon!
The Universe has been sending me all sorts of messages over the last week that something is not right. Some of these messages have come through my personal tarot readings and some have come from outside sources. The only difference over the last week has been that the messages are getting louder. Because I have so much trauma in my past it can be easy for me to become really worried when I receive these insights and that worry often leads to a feeling of helplessness. Like ok, it’s coming and I just have to brace myself. I recognize that as an old coping mechanism and I know that it served me long ago but it doesn’t serve me now. When a fellow witch is in need I am the first one to offer help but I don’t always rush to my own aide. Morrighan always speaks the loudest and the most clearly and she is saying, Witch, protect yourself! I also feel she is reminding me of my strength and abilities and also reminding me to use those abilities. Sometimes I get so caught up in the deep personal work I am trying to do that I forget to do things like shore up my defenses. I am grateful for the reminder and I have made a plan to work some magick to protect myself but also to stand in my power as a witch. I spent time with my Book of Shadows this morning and I think I know what I want to do.
How has September been treating you so far? What messages are you hearing on the wind?
September is here and I am loving the energy already. Normally Pisces energy doesn’t really feel energizing to me but today I am full to overflowing. My altar is lit up and magick is brewing in my cauldron. My goals for this month are ambitious and exciting. I am more than willing to allow the summer to give way to autumn. This summer has had its blessings but it has also exhausted me. Healing has been the name of the game this summer and now I am more than ready to move onto something else. September is also the time of the year when I start to think about Samhain and ready myself for the work it brings. I can feel myself turning inward already. This full moon brings with it a desire for deeper everything. Deep conversations, deep friendship, and deep work. Shadow work has been going on all summer and I have to wonder where it will go during the turn towards the dark. I recognize it might seem like I’m jumping ahead and maybe I am, I always start to feel the dark creeping in during this season. I hope this full moon finds you blessed!
Well, another turn of the wheel is passing us and soon it will be Mabon. I hope that you had a lovely Lughnasadh weekend. Here in Wisconsin, we have been having cooler weather. The cooler weather is a nice reprieve from the super hot and muggy weather we saw for most of July. I spent much of my weekend out in the woods and at the parks with my dog and my husband. I took time to count my harvest and reflect on Lugh and Demeter as I usually do. I foraged some apples and gave them to Morrighan as an offering. My little deck garden is bountiful and I am so grateful for my little harvest of herbs. I am also grateful for the harvest of a booming business and progress towards healing. While I was walking in the woods I could feel Lugh in the gentle glow of the sun and Demeter in the embrace of the tall grasses. The wind kissed my neck and at that moment I realized I was truly relaxed for the first time in a long long time. I am grateful for the gentle reminder that in nature I find my healing and rest. Out in the woods, I can breathe deep and I even stopped to smell the flowers. Maverick always reminds me to do that.
Maverick took so much joy in swimming while we were at the park. He also stuck his whole face in the flowers. I think he needed some time in the woods too. I made some bread on Saturday to honor Demeter and we cooked up some good food in the kitchen to honor Dagda. I tried to push work away as much as I could so to prolong the rest I was experiencing. Lughnasadh has always been one of my favorite turns of the wheel but this year it seemed extra special. It has been a hard year for everyone and I really needed a good harvest. In my personal writing, I have been referring to this year as my happy harvest. May it continue….
It’s Summer Solstice and tomorrow is my 50th birthday so it is going to be a big weekend! I am feeling the fire of big sun energy! The new moon has refreshed my spirit and I’m ready to work some magick. This particular turn of the wheel has always found me surrounded by family and community. This year will most definitely be quieter but it will still be good. I view my 50th birthday as a gateway to a new phase of my life. I would like to say that I’m feeling the queen/creatrix archetype but I’m feeling pretty centered within warrior energy. I woke up this morning feeling a surge of power like someone had plugged me in and recharged me overnight. Wherever you are today I hope you have an opportunity to fill up on this warm fire energy. Here in Wisconsin, it is rainy but that won’t stop me from working with the sun and filling up on all of the goodness.
I have been on a vacation of sorts. Two weeks ago my doctor expressed that she thought I needed to take it easy for a couple of weeks and give myself a break. That was a tall order because I tend to be rather type-A in my personality. Now I am at the end of my vacation and I can agree that she was right. One thing I did while on this break was I stopped my daily altar time and instead just let my relationship with the gods flow naturally. I think this was a good thing. Over the last couple of weeks, I have been giving more offerings and trying to engage with gratitude more. This can be hard because I have been in so much physical pain. Now that I am going back to my routine I am trying to decide what practices to keep and what to release. I have been spending a fair amount of time in the woods and by the water and one thing I know for sure is that my practice needs more of this. I can hear the goddess so much more clearly when I am surrounded by nature. The picture above is of one of my favorite watery places. Something about this water calms my spirit and heals me. I am not calm by nature, anyone who knows me can tell you that. So it is a miracle that when I sit by these banks my whole being becomes still. I treasure stillness because it is so hard to come by.
The full moon is tomorrow and I have no idea what I am going to do. I am sure it will come to me as it usually does, at the last minute. Right now I am just grateful that the gods have helped me find a way to meet my needs. I am a much better witch when I have a wild place to commune with.
How have you been doing? The world is kind of a tough place right now. I hope you’re all well!
The last few days have been hard. I am seeing how so many things are draining my energy. Some are people but some are activities and things like the news. During this waning moon period, I’d like to banish some of these energy vampires. There are times when we cannot totally remove something that drains us and then we have to think about how to shield ourselves and try to minimize the effects of whatever it is. We will soon be in Gemini season (3 days) and I want to be ready to hit the ground running and soak up all of that juicy Gemini energy! My magickal plan for the new moon is to indulge in the things that feed and nurture me. The above photo was taken at one of my favorite spots. I love the water and sitting on the shore listening to the waves lap the shore really feeds me. I intend to call in more time in nature, more time breathing deep and soaking up what the natural world has to offer. Along with that more smiling and more connecting with those who energize my spirit.
How are you using this waning moon time? What would you like to call in at the new moon?