Out of Pain Comes New Life

Whew! I have been going through it lately! I have experienced this before and I know that this is the tilling of my life that preceeds a huge season of growth. Whenever the soil of my inner life is worked, turned over, over and over again, it is a very painful process. Things are cut off and pulled out, displaced and disguarded. My nights are sleepless as my body vibrates with anxiety and vigilance. Typically I view this vigilance as a by product of my childhood trauma, now I’m trying to see it as the vigilance of my spirit awaiting the new growth about to arrive.

Beltane is coming soon and I can hear and feel its song in the distance. It will bring with it flowers and sunshine, dancing and a bursting forth of new possibilities. This soil that has been painfully turned over will create space for my new self to push through. So for now, I’m trying to embrace this season of pain and struggle. I trust the universe that the wheel is always turning and soon the rewards of hard work and endurance will come to me.

Spring is a messy season and I’m feeling kind of messy right now. It has been rainy this week but every so often the sun peeks out to remind me that it will not always be gray.


A Different Kind of Beltane

This year’s Beltane promises to be much different from any other I’ve ever had. There will be no group celebration or trips to my local state park. It will be more personal and close to home. All of this does not mean it will be less meaningful or powerful, it just means that I will need to be more creative. The gods continue to be loud and I continue to try to take it all in. I have been having some disturbing dreams about people from my past and I’m trying to figure out what it all means. I can already feel the Beltane energy rising and beckoning me to join in the dance of fertility and new life. That can be hard due to everything going on in the world. I am grateful for that feeling because it is a distraction from the stress of the virus and it reminds me that all of nature continues on despite the current issues.

Beltane in the past has been a time of celebration and high ritual. At times when I am on my own it can feel silly to do high ritual. I have to remind myself that I am worth that high ritual that feeds me so much even if it is only me. So this year I intend to really lean into things as an act of self-love and a recognition of my worthiness. You might remember that my focus for the year is self-love, respect, and trust, part of that is doing the ritual even if it is only me. Every time I think I have the lessons of the year down the universe shows me a new way to grow and continue to work on my goals.

How are you doing on your goals for the year? What will your Beltane look like?



Beltane Tree

I had a really lovely Beltane. Our coven celebrated our first Beltane together and it went wonderfully. We are small in numbers but we still had a good time. The magick was flowing and laughter and dancing happened. I’m so glad that I decided to put this coven together. The first steps were hard and scary but the pay off had been big and good.

My private work for Beltane went well too. My husband and I tried to get outside and be close to nature but the weather really did not cooperate. We had rain storms for most of the day. We were able to get a short hike in. I did some divination and personal magick and left it all feeling very inspired and grateful.

I’m ready for the next turn of the wheel. I am a Summer Solstice baby and so I’m just a few weeks away from a new natal year!



May Is Here!

May is finally here and I am so happy to see this month. The skies are much less gray and gloomy. I have had the opportunity to be out in nature and that is always good for the soul. Beltane was a quiet one this year but I’m not complaining. I was able to rest and call in some good energy. My focus this month has been on calling in male energy. I have fallen out of the habit of working with male deities. I only realized this morning that the full moon will be upon us in a couple of days. It falls in Scorpio which is not the best placement for me. My head is buzzing with ideas for the full moon but I will need to proceed with caution.

My Morrigan tools are still a work in progress. The doll is finished and now I am working on a wand. I’m also about to start another piece that will act as a trivet for my altar. Lastly, I am focused on Morrigan’s shapeshifting aspect. I have been rereading and working through Stephanie Woodfield’s book “Celtic Lore and Spellcraft of the Dark Goddess, Invoking The Morrigan.” There is so much juicy stuff in there! All of this work with Morrigan has reminded me of the power I have and has encouraged me to work more magick.

I have nothing earth-shattering to report. The world has continued to turn and I continue to try to connect to Spirit. I will post some new photos soon!


This and That

I am sorry I have been gone for so long. I have been struggling through a bad case of viral bronchitis. I’m finally feeling a bit better now. I don’t have a lot to share today except that I realized this morning that Beltane is right around the corner! *runs around the room cheering* I love Beltane and I’m looking forward to the energy shift! Here in Wisconsin green things are popping up all over. I’m so glad that March is over and May will be here soon! Here are some old Beltane photos to get you ready for the season.



Magick Manifest

Hello Witches! I hope this fine May evening finds you doing well. We finally saw some sun today! Here is a photo of some lovely flowers I found.


I had one goal for Beltane, I had to find a way to set myself free. I was feeling heavy, weighed down by sadness and pressure. I had shrunk myself and ceased to be authentic. I was acting from fear. Afraid of being hurt if I let my true self shine through.

I can’t move
Freedom, cut me loose
Singin’, freedom
Where are you?
‘Cause I need freedom too” Beyonce

This world can be tough on those of us who don’t fit in. The magical ones, the sensitive ones, those who color outside the lines. The grind of trying to fit in when you don’t can really wear on a person. Ultimately I took some big action and quit my job. It was proving to be pretty toxic to me and I had been staying out of a false sense of duty. I knew I was going to have quit soon but I had not pulled the trigger on it yet. 

“I break chains all by myself
Won’t let my freedom rot in hell
Hey! I’ma keep running
‘Cause a winner don’t quit on themselves” Beyonce

I think all of these retrogrades played a part in keeping me stuck. My mind has been muddy and I just couldn’t achieve any forward motion. Then yesterday something shifted. The energy felt different and so I struck while the iron was hot. Just that one action caused a big change. I feel like I can breathe again. I spent the day outside with my daughter soaking up the natural world, and best of all the sunshine. There is a lot of work left to do, but I feel like I have made a great start and I can already feel a huge energy shift.

Part of the magick has been meditation. Talking with Morrigan never hurts. The biggest thing I did was immerse myself in the energy of freedom. I have danced and listened to music about freedom. I have read poetry and historical quotes about freedom. I have bit my lip and acted from my heart. A dash of this and a dash of that plus some serious intent have made manifest my Beltane wish.

What was your Beltane wish? Have you worked any juicy magick lately?


Dancing For Freedom

Last night I went to Zumba and it was wonderful. Dancing always makes me feel free. For Beltane my focus was Freedom and so last night I hit the dance floor and welcomed Freedom in. It felt good to not only dance but to reconnect with the people in my class. I feel like I have not been “in my body” lately. I have not been feeling enough and so dancing was a good remedy. I also created a Freedom themed playlist to remind me each day of what my goals are. Music is magick to my soul and so I know how to use it to help me with my goals. Here is the first track on my Freedom playlist!


Happy Beltane!

I hope each one of you has a Blessed Beltane! Here in Wisconsin, it is gray and rainy. The sun is hiding and it is rather cold. We lit a fire in the fireplace last night so that was nice. Until yesterday I did not know what I wanted my Beltane focus to be, then all of a sudden it came together and it is perfect. Freedom. Freedom to be who I truly am. I have been feeling like I’m existing in a cage, behind tall walls. I have let those close to me silence me, I have grown smaller over the last year. Being afraid of being hurt has crippled me in so many ways.

“I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.”
Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

So today I’m ending all that. Freedom is what I am seeking. Today I am hacking my way through the chains and stretching my arms. It feels good to breathe! No more being quiet because of fear and no more hiding from people who have hurt me.

“Some birds are not meant to be caged, that’s all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure.”
― Stephen King, Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption: A Story from Different Seasons

I have been talking with Morrigan for the last few days. She sent me some pretty disturbing dreams last week, I know when that happens it means it is time to wake up! Her message was clear. When you are always crushing your own spirit it is not good for your wellbeing. It hurts both your physical and mental health. This winter has been long, it has been so gray lately and I have had SAD to contend with, these are all reasons for feeling the way I do. But the thing is there are other reasons, I silence myself, I isolate myself, and I make myself smaller. All of this is in response to pain. I’m trying to hide from people and situations that might hurt me.

“Happiness depends on being free, and freedom depends on being courageous.”
― Marie Rutkoski, The Winner’s Curse

Oh well, there is much work to be done here. I hope each of you has a lovely Beltane. Sorry if this post was a downer. I really am feeling very up and hopeful today!


A Month of Tarot

If you have been following my blog you know I have been pulling cards in preparation for Beltane. The card I picked today is The 8 of Swords. I pulled it inverted. In the deck I’m using this card is called Bondage.

8 of swords

As a side note, this deck is called The Sacred Circle Tarot Deck.


This is what I know about this card, it is definitely about bondage. The plus side of drawing it inverted is the indication of being able to free yourself from the bondage. When you draw this card it may be telling you to let go. You have probably been through a tough patch and now have learned some lessons. Once you have those lessons under your belt you can let go of the pain and bondage and move forward in your life.

This is a great card for me to draw at this time. I have been through a tough patch and I have felt like my hands are tied. I’m happy that the time of bondage and feeling trapped is passing away. Now I just have to let go. Letting go is not the easiest thing for me but I know it is essential for my own growth. Beltane is coming and although it is snowing here in Wisconsin today I can feel the energy shifting.

One energy that has been very present for me is Pan’s energy. The Greenman is dancing on the edges of my mind and heart. I feel like he is calling me to dance again and I can’t wait to kick up my heels.

How are you feeling about Beltane? Do you celebrate and if you do, how do you celebrate?


Season of Healing – Road To Beltane

Last night was an unproductive evening, but I did a great job of caring for myself. It was a long day at work and I was exhausted by the end of it. So I did what I could to help my tired body and that was about it. Today is my day off and I have been trying to be productive without slipping into “I have to get to it all.” I slept really well last night and it was so needed. I have been struggling with sleep some over the last week. I have continued to be kind to myself today by eating right and taking the time to just relax.

Between now and Beltane I want to pick a card every day. Today I picked The Knight of Discs (Pentacles) inverted. It was one of those moments when I stared at the deck and thought, “Ok tell me something I don’t know.”

Day 1
Day 1

This card inverted talks about being stuck and discouragement. This is exactly where I am at this moment. Now I just need some guidance to get out of this place. Hopefully tomorrow will have give me a card to help me move forward.