Sometimes the goddess pushes me. Sometimes in general and sometimes The Morrigan in particular. A couple of years ago I felt her pushing me towards starting a coven and I did that. We are very small in number but I feel good about how things are unfolding right now. I’m feeling her push again and this time I am struggling to heed her call. She is asking for expansion. She is pulling my focus back to her and my work as her priestess. The idea of expansion makes my anxiety flare. My last experience within the Pagan community did not end well. It was a decade of many highs and lows and it left me beaten and bruised and in need of time away. I’m a very different person now. I suspect the Pagan community I left is very much the same. So I struggle with the question of expansion that is infused with intention and openness. I want to grow my spiritual circle with intention but I also want to be open to new people. In the past, I would have rushed out and started making plans. I would have gone from 0-100 in 60 seconds. Time has made me more cautious and deliberate. I think I need to meditate on this some more. Change is coming I can feel it, I just have to be ready.
Winter is the time of year when my inner warrior is the most visible. Strength is required to get through the long Wisconsin winters but that isn’t what I’m talking about. I have lived here my entire life and so winter is not a big deal.
I’m talking about battling the beast called depression. So far I’m doing ok, keeping my head above water and engaging in the fight, ask me again in February and you might get another response. My inner warrior goddess keeps pushing me forward and I’m trying to keep up. On the other hand, I have Aphrodite telling me to engage in self-care and Bast is trying to entice me into dancing. I think there is a part of me that doesn’t want to slow down to take care of myself because I’m afraid I might lose my momentum and become stuck. This is the time of year when I focus on balance the most, it is also the hardest time for me to find balance. My emotions are either all over the map or they are turned off completely. Heart chakra magick is often needed to keep me from shutting down.
I know this isn’t the most uplifting post, that isn’t my intent, my intent is to be as real as possible. Being a witch isn’t all fairy dust and magick wands, sometimes it is a gritty battle to keep standing. Right now my heart chakra might be a bit overstimulated, I feel deep wells of water threatening to overflow.
Today I plan to take care of some household tasks and then I think I will work some magick to help me feel less out of sorts. A hot bath to soothe my nerves, a fire in the hearth to warm me, and some hot chocolate to sweeten the day. Later I have an opportunity to be social so that will help too. Tomorrow I’m going to my dance fitness class again and so Bast will be happy.
If you are fighting SAD or just regular depression know that I am right there with you. I’m happy to share tips for getting through this rough season.
I know I have not been posting much lately. I feel bad about that because this blog matters to me. I have been absent because I have been busy with the task of restoration. Morrigan has been my muse and Bridget has helped me strike my target over and over. I decided that since I’m moving a bit slower today, head cold, I would sit down and pound out an update.
One of the biggest lessons I have learned through this process is the more fully I become myself the more my strength is revealed. My current struggle is with my voice. I feel like I am acting from a place of power and I’m seeing some wonderful results. When I start to struggle is when I need to raise my voice to be heard or when I need to speak up in disagreement. I have been doing some pretty intense political organizing on the grassroots level and let me tell you it can be hard to be heard even when you are all on the same team. Add to that being a woman and being Mexican American, and you can start to see how it might be hard. The universe is putting me in situations where I have to fight to be heard and it has been pretty challenging.
On the up side, I have been enjoying life more and I feel like I’m well on my way to meeting my goals this year. The wheel keeps turning and soon it will turn towards harvest. I have a feeling my harvest will be bountiful and challenging. I just had my 47th birthday and I think this might be one of my best years yet.
September has been a rough month for me. Nothing big and bad happening, I’ve just been having some health issues. I’m feeling much better now and I’m ready to start preparing for Samhain. Samhain is my favorite time of year and I tend to do some big magick and spiritual work during this time. I’m feeling inspired to complete a month of devotion. My plan is to work with Anu every day for the month of October. I have been working with Anu over the last year but I’m feeling the need to really focus right now. I’m also going to focus on meditation because I have become kind of lazy in that area.
Do you have any plans for the month of October? Do you celebrate Samhain and if so how do you plan for it?
I have a couple of things to share today. I made another wand. This wand is made from apple wood like the others. I added shells with the intention of creating a water wand. It has this lovely quality, when I hold it I can feel the connection to my heart chakra. I imagine you could use it for work having to do with love, the heart, creativity, compassion or healing.
The shells wrap around and crawl up the wand.
I left the handle natural and long enough to be shortened to fit the user.
The other thing I want to share is a Pinterest board. I created a page for Morrighan. I love to connect with like-minded witches. If you want to follow me just follow the link.
I experienced a lovely Imbolc. It was a quiet snowy day here in Madison. The perfect day to stay in and focus on spirituality. I spent time writing in my book of shadows and refreshing my memory about Bridget. I was able to dedicate my hearth and spend some time communing with the goddess. Tonight I have lit a candle on my hearth and I plan to do that every night this month.
Today I am celebrating Imbolc. Over time, Imbolc has become one of my favorite turns of the wheel. I have really grown to appreciate Bridget because of her healing and inspiration qualities. Her connection to my primary deity makes it easy to integrate her into my work. Tonight I plan to do some hearth magick. I have not used our new fireplace for this purpose yet, and I was thinking tonight would be the perfect time. My plan is to use the entire month of February to focus on inspiration and healing.
This time of year is always hard for me. Although I have kept the SAD at bay, for the most part, I am still feeling rather dull. I need something to bring my shine back! Bridget is wonderful for igniting “the fire in the head.” As the “firey arrow” she cuts through the crud and straight into the heart of the issue. I’m hoping she will also help me heal up some wounds that have stuck around for too long.
Later I will post some photos of my work! I would enjoy hearing from you all about if you celebrate Imbolc and how.