I have been feeling weird. I love October and everything that comes with it but this year just feels off to me. I’m not digging this Mercury Retrograde shadow so I suspect that the actual thing is really going to piss me off. I have been moving between wanting to spend time with people and wanting to be left alone. Feeling love for humanity and wanting to punch something really hard. The ancestors are making their presence known this year but in a kind of in your face sort of way. I feel like my home is crowded even when I’m all alone. I’m trying to tone back some of my constant work on balance because I’m beginning to see that in a way it is not natural. There is a balance between the seasons but summer is never trying to be both summer and winter at the same time. But that is another post for another day. Right now I’m trying to allow myself to feel what I feel without judgment. I’m also being very mindful of my interactions with others because I have been feeling kind of punchy and it can come through in my communications with people I care about. My physical energy has been all over the place as well, at times I’m raring to go and feeling passionate and energized and at other times I’m wiped out and I just want to hide in my blankets. Boy when the tired hits it hits hard! To manage this weird energy I have been talking with Morrighan and Dagda more and seeking the help of my house full of ancestors.
How are you managing the energy floating out there right now?
I’m pausing. It might seem odd given that this is a new moon but there is so much going on astrologically that I feel it is best for me to take a breath. Mercury Retrograde seasons usually allow me a chance to reflect. The energy around me feels like an in-between time which kinda makes sense given that Spring Equinox is on the horizon. At this moment I am reflecting on my spiritual journey and feeling a tremendous amount of gratitude. It’s not super popular to be Wiccan right now but I have never cared for what is popular.
My practice has served me well in many ways. It has helped me to learn to flow with the earth and her seasons. Every year letting go of what needs to be removed and sowing seeds when it is time to start new life. My journey has taught me about leadership and boundaries and listening to my gut. Over time my practice has assisted me in healing my wounds and speaking my truth through bravery and a warrior’s spirit. I have learned to trust the divine and see the divine within myself.
It has not always been easy. Within this culture (Paganism) you run into all sorts of crappy people and at times those experiences have brought me great pain. Through those experiences, I have learned compassion and how to protect myself and how to walk in integrity.
Although I’m much more expansive with my practice and I do not stay perfectly within the lines of traditional Wicca it is the framework for my spiritual practice. Wicca is not perfect and I don’t believe any spiritual framework is. So today as I sit in this timeless space I’m grateful for all of the blessings and lessons Wicca has given me.
I am so happy to welcome in September. In my mind it is fall now and fall is my favorite season. I have been having a rough go of it lately. Mercury being retro and the eclipse season has kind of kicked my butt. This Mercury retrograde has been all about family, and no one can hurt you like those you love the most. All my wounds are mostly patched up except for one. My youngest is moving out of the house this weekend. Everything in me feels it is too soon and she is not ready, of course she doesn’t agree with this assessment. With each breath I work towards letting go. I’m trying to tell myself that mourning 25 years of being mommy can go hand in hand with embracing a future full of possibilities. As each of my kids (I have 4) moved out I knew I was getting closer and closer to the end of this chapter, now that I’m here I feel prepared but also sad. I’m hoping with Morrighan’s help I can walk through this season with as much grace as possible.
“But when fall comes, kicking summer out on its treacherous ass as it always does one day sometime after the midpoint of September, it stays awhile like an old friend that you have missed. It settles in the way an old friend will settle into your favorite chair and take out his pipe and light it and then fill the afternoon with stories of places he has been and things he has done since last he saw you.”
― Stephen King, ‘Salem’s Lot
I have a feeling this harvest season is going to be a whopper! Lots going on in the world and so much going on with me. I’m not expecting anything bad just lots to bring in and even more to let go of. It’s funny how no matter how much you let go of there is always another layer to strip away. One blessing of the universe is that I always feel super energized in the autumn, so at least I will have the energy to do the work. Speaking of work, I have been having a great time connecting with my ancestors and I hope to continue that work through this season.
“O autumn, laden with fruit, and stain’d
With the blood of the grape, pass not, but sit
Beneath my shady roof, there thou mayst rest,
And tune thy jolly voice to my fresh pipe,
And all the daughters of the year shall dance!
Sing now the lusty song of fruits and flowers.
~William Blake (1757-1827), “To Autumn”
It won’t be long until Mabon is knocking on our door. Do you celebrate this turn of the wheel? What is your favorite way to mark Mabon? I like to go out to the winery near our home and welcome in the harvest with some local wine. Hopefully the equinox will help me find some balance.
“Autumn seemed to arrive suddenly that year. The morning of the first september was crisp and golden as an apple.” —J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
December has arrived and pretty snow covers everything here in Wisconsin.
December 14, 2016 – Full Moon in Gemini
December 21, 2016 – Winter Solstice!
December 29, 2016 – New Moon in Sagittarius
Oh yeah and Mercury is going retrograde again! This happens December 19, 2016 – January 8, 2017.
On a personal note, I have started working with Skadi again. I’m also starting to work with Melusine.
My work with Skadi tends to be around dealing with solitude and getting through the winter. I tend to isolate more in the winter and she helps me convert loneliness to solitude. I meditate on her when I am out walking the dog and it really helps me shift my perspective.
Melusine is a whole other kettle of fish. I have decided that I need to work with water more, and since the women in my ancestry believed strongly in the myth of Melusine I plan to see what I can learn from her.
Mostly the month of December belongs to The Holly King. My mantle is covered in Holly Kings! I enjoy his energy very much and I can’t wait to experience the magick of working with him again.
One feature of Mercury Retrograde is the tendency for the past to punch into the now. This has most certainly been happening to me. I have had three or four really disturbing dreams over the last week. They all feature people from the past. Some of them from the waaaay past. These dreams all seem to linger long into the day. I can’t shake them off and that tells me there is something to learn there. I have also been experiencing some pretty big shifts in perspective. Some of these changes would be liberating in a sense, but they would require me to let go of some long-held beliefs. These dreams are nudging me towards holding people responsible and at the same time forgiving them. Maybe I am at a place when I can extend compassion to the person who laid waste to my childhood? This is big shadow work! Strangely, I am not afraid. I learned a long time ago not to run from my shadow. I think I have found the first thing I’m going to throw into my Samhain cauldron.
Have any of you experienced dreams of this nature recently?
I am soooo glad that this Mercury Retrograde is about over. Most of the time I can breeze through these damn things but this one was an exception. Nothing really went haywire for me but the people around me were not so lucky. In the end, I could not shield myself from all of the crud that was flying around. Because of this, I went into this full moon cycle feeling pretty drained and kind of wanting to hide from the world. By about half way through the retrograde, I was ready to dive under my blankets and wait for it to be over. This retrograde seemed to have a slightly different theme this time around. I read about it before it happened so I should not have been surprised. The theme was uncovering secrets. There were some folks around me that had some doozies. I would like to say that those secrets did not affect me but that is not the case. They do affect me and in some cases, they have turned my life upside down.
I am ok. I have been spending the full moon energy to right my ship. Yesterday I focused solely on self-care and balance. I also had to keep reminding myself that I can only control myself and my actions. I have taken this time to see friends and spend time talking with family. Now that the full moon is over I feel like I have my feet under me again. Here is a pic I took of the full moon view from our driveway.