The Universe has been sending me all sorts of messages over the last week that something is not right. Some of these messages have come through my personal tarot readings and some have come from outside sources. The only difference over the last week has been that the messages are getting louder. Because I have so much trauma in my past it can be easy for me to become really worried when I receive these insights and that worry often leads to a feeling of helplessness. Like ok, it’s coming and I just have to brace myself. I recognize that as an old coping mechanism and I know that it served me long ago but it doesn’t serve me now. When a fellow witch is in need I am the first one to offer help but I don’t always rush to my own aide. Morrighan always speaks the loudest and the most clearly and she is saying, Witch, protect yourself! I also feel she is reminding me of my strength and abilities and also reminding me to use those abilities. Sometimes I get so caught up in the deep personal work I am trying to do that I forget to do things like shore up my defenses. I am grateful for the reminder and I have made a plan to work some magick to protect myself but also to stand in my power as a witch. I spent time with my Book of Shadows this morning and I think I know what I want to do.
How has September been treating you so far? What messages are you hearing on the wind?
Well, the world is a mess right now and I have been struggling to focus. On top of that, I have been feeling so much rage. I am currently trying to write a memoir about my childhood and that process is stirring all of the ghosts from the past. Part of my attempt to stay balanced in this time of uncertainty has been to take many many long walks with my dog. Maverick is a wonderful teacher with regards to staying present in the moment. He is the court jester reminding me to laugh and his joy when we are outdoors is infectious.
Yesterday while walking I took some time to really talk with Morrighan. I shared with her all of my rage and frustration. I didn’t hear much back probably because I wasn’t able to hear with all of my emotions pouring out. This morning I felt much calmer and I feel like I am hearing her speak to me.
It feels good to have this connection with my Matron deity. She is always responsive but right now things are so scary and hard. Today I plan to try to listen and plan for tomorrow’s full moon. I had no plans to work big magick tomorrow but that has all changed this morning. I’m hoping as the day unfolds I will have a clearer image of what needs to be done.
I hope all of you are doing well and staying healthy. What are your plans for the full moon? How are you keeping your balance during this hard time?
Tuesdays are a devotional day for me. I will sometimes bring Morrighan a token or devote a work out to her. Other times I will talk with her about whatever things are going on in my life. I feel when you choose to walk with Morrighan you are not choosing an easy path. She seems to choose those who challenge themselves and she almost always has a challenge for me. Her challenges never feel like a burden and I know that I will be better for having taken her up on it.
Right now my main challenge has been dealing with my health issues. I felt like she was telling me way back at Samhain that this year was going to be very self-focused. I felt a little guilty choosing that path but I trust her and so that is the direction I started to walk. Soon I found out why that was needed and I’m so glad that she gave me the heads up about it. I’m starting to see that part of the challenge is living life to the fullest and not just moving from commitment to commitment. I have also been focusing on turning down all the negative noise in my life which means less time on social media. The world may need me but I need me more.
Over this waning moon period, I have been working on letting go of any lingering guilt or shame that I feel but that doesn’t really belong to me. Each time I work on this process it gets easier and there is less to let go of. For the new moon, I’m planning to set intentions around positivity and not letting my illness rule my life. I can’t believe that Imbolc is just a few weeks away! Before you know it we will be enjoying spring.:) The wheel keeps turning…
Do you have a primary deity? How do you honor that deity?
I have been feeling a little off the last couple of weeks. It isn’t that I have been feeling bad it’s more that I have been feeling numb and stuck. Last night after doing my full moon work I started to feel a breakthrough coming. Spirit gave me a gentle reminder that when I tend to my spiritual practice I can make things happen and that I have more power to change my world than I sometimes believe I do. I tried my best to listen to my intuition and the messages coming from Morrighan and then suddenly it all bubbled up. For a long long time, I have been working to release scarcity and it feels like it is never totally gone. Facing another Samhain and contemplating what I want to let go of led me to think about scarcity again. Part of my process is to dig deeper and turn things over in my mind to see if I’m missing something. All this introspection led me to something that seems simple but also something I never considered. This thing bleeds over into so many parts of my life and in some pretty profound ways. I don’t trust myself. I’m worried about losing control. This all leads back to childhood as most roads do and I don’t intend to get into all of that today.
It isn’t scarcity that I fear, I fear that I might make stupid money choices leaving me without enough. This leads to hating money and never enjoying spending it. I’m always working to attract abundance and money but how can you attract something that you hate? This also impacts my body acceptance issues. I don’t trust myself to eat right or to know how often I should exercise. When my body tells me it needs rest in the afternoon my internal talk is always about how I shouldn’t need rest. All this needs to change. I’m going to work on letting go of the distrust I have concerning listening to my inner voice. I already know that deep self-love needs to happen next year so I’m going to let go of the voices that tell me that I do not deserve love. Lastly, I need to work on self-respect. I need to listen to and respect the needs that I often ignore. That is a lot but it is all-important work and it is all connected.
This bleeds over into the community work I want to do next year. I have to trust my inner wisdom and know that I will make good choices when it comes to connections. It is the people part of the Pagan community that I fear. That fear is a big hump to get over but I know I can do it with the help of Spirit.
What messages did the universe send your way for the full moon? Do you plan to let go of things for Samhain?
It feels like autumn and I am thrilled about it. Autumn is when I feel the most alive and inspired. My hope is that I can really soak it all in this year and through that have enough energy to get me through the winter. The last couple of weeks have been so fruitful in the magick department. I created a ritual to reconnect and rededicate myself to my journey as a priestess. This seems to always happen this time of the year. I never plan it that way it just seems to be the right time. So once again I am faced with the question, “What are you willing to do in order to deepen your practice?” Along with this I have been thinking some about Mabon and what I want to harvest. In some ways I think I have that harvest already but who knows there might be more coming. I am also starting to think about my word of the year. I always chose a new word at Samhain so around this time I start writing down possibilities. Usually about three days before Samhain I feel pretty sure about what the word will be.
Last night I worked my full moon ritual and took a moonlit walk with my husband and dog. The ritual was lovely and personal. I talked so much over with Morrighan. We have been doing so much of that lately. Just talking and I have been making more time to be quiet and listen. Sometimes my practice is more about the magick and some times it is more about connection with the Goddess. Right now I’m in a very intense season of connection. I’m so grateful for this path that I’m on because the world can be a very harsh place and at time I feel so powerless. Morrighan reminds me of my ability to create change.
Did you do anything special to celebrate the full moon?
It might seem like an odd time of year to be talking about new life but I have some to share. I have been wondering what my big harvest is going to be this year. What I have discovered is that starting a new coven is my big harvest. Now I knew this was coming but I did not think it would come this fast. That being said, the goddess (Morrighan) has been pushing me out of my comfort zone and back into the mix since last spring. I’m one of those people who plans and thinks about something and then when the time feels right I pull the trigger. I often can feel it coming but I just don’t know how soon. When it happens it usually surprises others but I’m often more than ready to go. My mind is buzzing with ideas and excitement at this new adventure. I feel truly restored after a year of working on it. I’m not as afraid as I thought I might be. I have done a lot of letting go and so I’m not so worried about what others will think or how they will respond. Don’t worry, I’m going to be careful to heed the lessons learned from the past. It feels good to be in the center of where I want to be after striving for so long.
September has been a rough month for me. Nothing big and bad happening, I’ve just been having some health issues. I’m feeling much better now and I’m ready to start preparing for Samhain. Samhain is my favorite time of year and I tend to do some big magick and spiritual work during this time. I’m feeling inspired to complete a month of devotion. My plan is to work with Anu every day for the month of October. I have been working with Anu over the last year but I’m feeling the need to really focus right now. I’m also going to focus on meditation because I have become kind of lazy in that area.
Do you have any plans for the month of October? Do you celebrate Samhain and if so how do you plan for it?
I like makeup. I don’t wear it all the time, but when I do I like the way it makes me feel. When I was a kid we belonged to a church that did not allow makeup. We were members of The United Pentecostal Church. We also could not cut our hair, wear jewelry or pants. Around the time I was 14 or so I started really being curious about makeup. I’m sure that my discovery of Madonna had something to do with this. We were not supposed to watch tv or listen to the radio but occasionally I snuck and did it. I thought I was so rebellious, now I have to kind of smile when I think about my minor sins. I was almost kicked out of the UPC school I went to for trying to get by with clear nail polish. When I was feeling particularly rebellious I would sneak on some blush or lip gloss. They did not notice that too much, but we sure heard tons of sermons about the evils of being a Jezebel. I just could not understand how having shiny fingernails would cause a man to fall into sin. That made no more sense to me than how seeing my upper arm would cause a man to fall. The reality is none of the UPC holiness standards kept me safe from being molested by one of their ministers. The UPC church is riddled with sexual misconduct. All of the sermons about how evil everything is seems to only feed a hunger for it.
When I left the church one of the first things I did was start wearing makeup. It was a way to experiment with different personas. The church was all about making all of the women look the same. I knew that wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted freedom and I wanted to be able to express myself through my clothing and makeup. As I was putting on my makeup the other day I thought of how much the act of putting it on was a symbol. A symbol of freedom and individuality. I also thought about how much I use it as part of my magickal expression. My primary deity is Morrighan. When I am trying to embody her my makeup looks different than usual. I use makeup as armor. I wear my makeup in certain ways when I want to be left alone or when I feel I need extra shielding. I may add jewelry to enhance the effect. If I had to name the look I am going for when I want to carry Morrighan energy, I would call it Crow. Dark eyes, hair down, crow pendant and dark lipstick. You can also use makeup as ritual prep, to help you prepare to shift consciousness.
Isn’t funny how something that seems so ordinary to most people can take on a special meaning? Most people would not see the significance in applying makeup. For me, it symbolizes my freedom from an oppressive faith and god. It represents my ability to choose how I present myself and that is really meaningful.
As a side note, I have used makeup to invoke elemental characteristics as well. I’m happy to help if anyone has questions about this part of my practice.
I have a couple of things to share today. I made another wand. This wand is made from apple wood like the others. I added shells with the intention of creating a water wand. It has this lovely quality, when I hold it I can feel the connection to my heart chakra. I imagine you could use it for work having to do with love, the heart, creativity, compassion or healing.
The shells wrap around and crawl up the wand.
I left the handle natural and long enough to be shortened to fit the user.
The other thing I want to share is a Pinterest board. I created a page for Morrighan. I love to connect with like-minded witches. If you want to follow me just follow the link.