I have been finding myself dreaming about Ostara. Along with that comes hope for more sunshine and spring weather. I often struggle to stay present in whatever moment I’m in. My mind and heart wander towards the past or into the future. This part of the year is always the hardest. The holidays are over and they leave in their wake a long stretch of gray that seems to be never-ending. Right now my home is lit up with pink and red lights leftover from Valentine’s Day. Anything to make my surroundings feel more festive and alive. I’m trying to cultivate fire to assist me in feeling less dull. Fire is something I can capture but it is hard for me to keep it burning. As I gaze out my window the snowflakes are falling and the view is both pretty and depressing. It’s easy to welcome the snow in December but much harder in mid-February. I remind myself that two months of snow isn’t that bad but that doesn’t do much to change my mood.
This week I intend to work on both cultivating fire and staying present in the moment. Of course, the Mercury retrograde isn’t going to make that second part easy. I feel like a 17-year-old who is one month away from their 18th birthday. I am so ready to burst forth into the future but I have to wait just a little bit longer.
How are you handling the winter season? What are you working on magickally?
I am experiencing a season of release. When I was younger I would hold onto things until the universe would pry them away from me. It was painful and my life improved so much when I learned to let go. It feels like spring is right around the corner even though we were just blanketed with a fresh snowfall. As I dream of the fresh growth I know is coming soon I have to remove the deadwood of what has died to make room. Some of it is more than ready to go and other parts hold on and resist. I gently tug on those bits being careful to remove the roots as well.
Working on self-respect means that I have to let go of some toxic stuff and people. Just because something or someone is comfortable and easy doesn’t mean that they are good for us. I have been struggling with fibro lately. It has been really tough and I know that in order to get better I can’t have a lot of drama in my life. So I know that eventually letting all of this go will be better for my health as well. I keep reminding myself that Ostara is not that far off and soon my little plants will be poking their heads up searching for the sun. I have to make sure nothing is in their way!
How are you preparing for the next turn of the wheel?
I’m pausing. It might seem odd given that this is a new moon but there is so much going on astrologically that I feel it is best for me to take a breath. Mercury Retrograde seasons usually allow me a chance to reflect. The energy around me feels like an in-between time which kinda makes sense given that Spring Equinox is on the horizon. At this moment I am reflecting on my spiritual journey and feeling a tremendous amount of gratitude. It’s not super popular to be Wiccan right now but I have never cared for what is popular.
My practice has served me well in many ways. It has helped me to learn to flow with the earth and her seasons. Every year letting go of what needs to be removed and sowing seeds when it is time to start new life. My journey has taught me about leadership and boundaries and listening to my gut. Over time my practice has assisted me in healing my wounds and speaking my truth through bravery and a warrior’s spirit. I have learned to trust the divine and see the divine within myself.
It has not always been easy. Within this culture (Paganism) you run into all sorts of crappy people and at times those experiences have brought me great pain. Through those experiences, I have learned compassion and how to protect myself and how to walk in integrity.
Although I’m much more expansive with my practice and I do not stay perfectly within the lines of traditional Wicca it is the framework for my spiritual practice. Wicca is not perfect and I don’t believe any spiritual framework is. So today as I sit in this timeless space I’m grateful for all of the blessings and lessons Wicca has given me.
Yesterday was Ostara. My husband and I had a lovely little ritual. In my attempts to connect with this turn of the wheel something bubbled up. I struggle to connect with joy and pleasure. The seeds of this problem start in my childhood. My hope is that I will be able to take advantage of the Ostara season to reconnect with joy and pleasure.
During my childhood morality was assigned to every choice. Was it ultimately good or bad? Godly or sinful? A piece of cake might be delicious but you must be mindful of not being a glutton or of eating too many sweets. A day in the park playing was all fine and good but be sure to get that homework done and look out for strangers. All of this may seem minor but every choice was followed by the idea that god was watching and keeping a list of your wrong choices. I no longer believe any of that but the messages still speak to me when I’m enjoying something too much. This thinking has made me hyper-vigilant and when you are in that state of mind joy cannot come forward.
Yesterday during my ritual planning and during the ritual itself, I tried to let my inner child out to enjoy the fun. Right now I’m working on joy and I’m hoping to lean into pleasure for the Beltane season. Ostara energy is perfect for letting out my inner girl! I’m going to take more time to play and seek out the things that make my heart sing.
If you have been reading my blog for awhile then you know that balance is always something I am striving for. I have been engaging in some pretty intense shadow work for the last few months and so to balance that out I have been working on some art projects. Art always makes me feel better.
This project was inspired by Molly Roberts over at HerSpeak. I created this to serve as a backdrop on my altar. My plan is to use it during the fertility holidays coming up. Layered in the background are the Goddesses that made up my solstice garland. I wanted to show the fading of winter and the coming forward of the spring. I had so much fun creating this piece. It really helped me to get in touch with my inner child.
Over the weekend I cleaned up my altar space and decorated for Ostara. I love all of the bunnies and eggs. I used an old Ostara tree decoration that my kids put up every year as the centerpiece of my altar.
I’m grateful for this cheerful space to remind me that I cannot be all shadow all the time! As we move from Ostara into Beltane it will become more adult focused.
My shadow work has been so good. I feel like I am being transformed every day. It is good but it is not easy. I have a feeling the spells are going to be flying off my fingertips on the next full moon?
I am wishing for spring. This winter has felt so long. Today I have the day off. I spent a bit of time at the park trying to soak up some of the natural world.
I have stayed very healthy all winter and then a little over a week ago I got slammed. It started as a little cold and escalated to a weird flu thing. I’m at the end of it now but I’m struggling to shake it off. This has made it hard for me to focus on Ostara the way I would normally want to. I’m going to try to make time for meditation tomorrow. I know that I need it. I’m feeling terribly off balance right now.
The good news is the signs of spring are all around me. The robins are out and tiny green things are pushing through the soil. Maverick is delighting in all of the mud and puddles around. His usually white paws are splashed with brown. He was my good buddy on my walk around the park today.
Right now I am grateful that spring is around the corner. As I write this a song comes to mind…
“Lachen, lachen, lachen, lachen
Kommt die Sonne uber das Feld.
Uber das Feld, kommt die Sonne
Ha ha ha, ha ha ha
Uber das Feld.
Laughing, laughing, laughing, laughing
Comes Aurora over the hill.
Over the hill, comes Aurora,
Ha ha ha, ha ha ha
Over the Hill.”
Whenever I hear this song it calls to mind the young goddess frolicking with her bunny companion. When she arrives I will be ready to share a giggle and hopefully, she will color the world something other than gray.