I am experiencing a season of release. When I was younger I would hold onto things until the universe would pry them away from me. It was painful and my life improved so much when I learned to let go. It feels like spring is right around the corner even though we were just blanketed with a fresh snowfall. As I dream of the fresh growth I know is coming soon I have to remove the deadwood of what has died to make room. Some of it is more than ready to go and other parts hold on and resist. I gently tug on those bits being careful to remove the roots as well.
Working on self-respect means that I have to let go of some toxic stuff and people. Just because something or someone is comfortable and easy doesn’t mean that they are good for us. I have been struggling with fibro lately. It has been really tough and I know that in order to get better I can’t have a lot of drama in my life. So I know that eventually letting all of this go will be better for my health as well. I keep reminding myself that Ostara is not that far off and soon my little plants will be poking their heads up searching for the sun. I have to make sure nothing is in their way!
How are you preparing for the next turn of the wheel?
Well, the goddess is wasting no time in talking with me about my intentions for this year. One of the areas of focus is around respecting myself. I kinda always knew this was going to lead where it has begun to go but I have not been looking forward to it. Part of respecting myself is not letting others disrespect me. I have a habit of allowing people to behave in ways that are disrespectful because I don’t want the confrontation or because I don’t want them to dislike me. In the past when I have put my foot down it has cost me relationships and people started to see me as being too tough or that my expectations were too high. I have found that within Pagan circles excellence is often looked down upon. If you exude excellence you are seen to be intimidating and intense and those are seen as negative qualities. Maybe this is why I have traditionally struggled to fit into these circles. I take my spirituality very seriously and I tend to seek out relationships with others like myself. Sometimes this means I feel isolated and misunderstood. The problem comes in when I compromise my beliefs and standards in order to fit in or have friends. I cannot allow others to disrespect me and still respect myself. Oh well, I have my work cut out for me! I think this may be the theme of my full moon work this month.
I hope that all of you had a lovely Samhain season. I had a restful week taking time away from social media and allowing myself to turn inward. My solitary time was nice as well as the time I spent with my coven. We had a surprise early snowfall this year here in Wisconsin which made things feel a little off. I think the Mercury retrograde just added to that sensation.
My word for the year is Self. I’m working on self-love, self-trust, and self-respect. My card for the year is the King of Wands! I have never pulled a king card for my yearly card so that will be cool to work with. Joey Morris was pulling Ogham cards on Facebook the other day and she pulled Hawthorn or Huathe for me. Lastly, at our coven ritual, I pulled Inguz as my token. So there is lots to chew on there over the coming dark season. I’d like to work on a vision board at some point.
Now that the dust has settled some I’m going to take a day off to rest and just breathe. How was your Samhain? Did you celebrate alone or with others? Did you have any big takeaways?
I have been feeling weird. I love October and everything that comes with it but this year just feels off to me. I’m not digging this Mercury Retrograde shadow so I suspect that the actual thing is really going to piss me off. I have been moving between wanting to spend time with people and wanting to be left alone. Feeling love for humanity and wanting to punch something really hard. The ancestors are making their presence known this year but in a kind of in your face sort of way. I feel like my home is crowded even when I’m all alone. I’m trying to tone back some of my constant work on balance because I’m beginning to see that in a way it is not natural. There is a balance between the seasons but summer is never trying to be both summer and winter at the same time. But that is another post for another day. Right now I’m trying to allow myself to feel what I feel without judgment. I’m also being very mindful of my interactions with others because I have been feeling kind of punchy and it can come through in my communications with people I care about. My physical energy has been all over the place as well, at times I’m raring to go and feeling passionate and energized and at other times I’m wiped out and I just want to hide in my blankets. Boy when the tired hits it hits hard! To manage this weird energy I have been talking with Morrighan and Dagda more and seeking the help of my house full of ancestors.
How are you managing the energy floating out there right now?
I have been feeling a little off the last couple of weeks. It isn’t that I have been feeling bad it’s more that I have been feeling numb and stuck. Last night after doing my full moon work I started to feel a breakthrough coming. Spirit gave me a gentle reminder that when I tend to my spiritual practice I can make things happen and that I have more power to change my world than I sometimes believe I do. I tried my best to listen to my intuition and the messages coming from Morrighan and then suddenly it all bubbled up. For a long long time, I have been working to release scarcity and it feels like it is never totally gone. Facing another Samhain and contemplating what I want to let go of led me to think about scarcity again. Part of my process is to dig deeper and turn things over in my mind to see if I’m missing something. All this introspection led me to something that seems simple but also something I never considered. This thing bleeds over into so many parts of my life and in some pretty profound ways. I don’t trust myself. I’m worried about losing control. This all leads back to childhood as most roads do and I don’t intend to get into all of that today.
It isn’t scarcity that I fear, I fear that I might make stupid money choices leaving me without enough. This leads to hating money and never enjoying spending it. I’m always working to attract abundance and money but how can you attract something that you hate? This also impacts my body acceptance issues. I don’t trust myself to eat right or to know how often I should exercise. When my body tells me it needs rest in the afternoon my internal talk is always about how I shouldn’t need rest. All this needs to change. I’m going to work on letting go of the distrust I have concerning listening to my inner voice. I already know that deep self-love needs to happen next year so I’m going to let go of the voices that tell me that I do not deserve love. Lastly, I need to work on self-respect. I need to listen to and respect the needs that I often ignore. That is a lot but it is all-important work and it is all connected.
This bleeds over into the community work I want to do next year. I have to trust my inner wisdom and know that I will make good choices when it comes to connections. It is the people part of the Pagan community that I fear. That fear is a big hump to get over but I know I can do it with the help of Spirit.
What messages did the universe send your way for the full moon? Do you plan to let go of things for Samhain?
Last week my mind was brimming with ideas but I didn’t want to put them into action until the new moon. Now that we are past that everything is starting to move forward and take off! I have added all my social media info into the about page so please connect with me on Instagram and Twitter. I’m excited to announce I have also started a closed FB group with the same name as this blog. Please feel free to ask to be a member over there. I’m also taking the leap into tarot readings and online coaching. If you are interested in any of that you can find info on the services page. Whew!
Have I mentioned it is the first day of October?! Or as I like to call it the first day of Halloween! It’s my favorite month of the year and so I’m planning to celebrate a little today. I intend to put up my Day of the Dead/ancestor altar today and will leave it up through the first week of November. I will also spruce up my main working altar space in honor of the Crone. Something about this time of year really gets my blood pumping. Here in Wisconsin, it is gloomy and raining. I think we are supposed to get some thunderstorms which only adds to the mood.
I take Samhain and The Day of the Dead very seriously. My practice is pretty Celtic in nature and that fits well with my ancestry on my mother’s side. On my father’s side my ancestors are from Mexico, so celebrating The Day of the Dead helps me to connect with them. Halloween is something that brings me joy and I feel that in and of itself is sacred. Each of these things is a part of what I consider to be the most sacred month of my year. Each has its own meaning and each adds something different to my practice. Yes, I consider Halloween part of my practice! Winter is hard for me due to Seasonal Affective Disorder and so I try to store up as much joy as I can before that hits hard. Halloween makes me so happy.
I have been feeling the wheel turning me inward and I have already started to prepare myself for Samhain. Have you been feeling the pull to turn inward?
It feels like autumn and I am thrilled about it. Autumn is when I feel the most alive and inspired. My hope is that I can really soak it all in this year and through that have enough energy to get me through the winter. The last couple of weeks have been so fruitful in the magick department. I created a ritual to reconnect and rededicate myself to my journey as a priestess. This seems to always happen this time of the year. I never plan it that way it just seems to be the right time. So once again I am faced with the question, “What are you willing to do in order to deepen your practice?” Along with this I have been thinking some about Mabon and what I want to harvest. In some ways I think I have that harvest already but who knows there might be more coming. I am also starting to think about my word of the year. I always chose a new word at Samhain so around this time I start writing down possibilities. Usually about three days before Samhain I feel pretty sure about what the word will be.
Last night I worked my full moon ritual and took a moonlit walk with my husband and dog. The ritual was lovely and personal. I talked so much over with Morrighan. We have been doing so much of that lately. Just talking and I have been making more time to be quiet and listen. Sometimes my practice is more about the magick and some times it is more about connection with the Goddess. Right now I’m in a very intense season of connection. I’m so grateful for this path that I’m on because the world can be a very harsh place and at time I feel so powerless. Morrighan reminds me of my ability to create change.
Did you do anything special to celebrate the full moon?
Back many many years ago I was lucky enough to harvest an enormous amount of apples with some friends. All of us gathered in my big kitchen and started to process this amazing bounty. We made apple beer, chutney, fruit roll-ups, apple butter, and sauce. Due to a malfunction with the apple press my ceiling, floor and walls were covered in apple. Weeks later I was still finding bits of apple that we missed in the cleaning process. It was a fun community experience and it was a mess. I was a little overwhelmed trying to find ways to use them all (I canned a lot)before they went bad. In the end, I had plenty for myself and tons to share!
My Lammas harvest unfolded much the same way. My community gathered around me to help during the process. The work was messy and time-consuming. The abundance of blessings was great but also overwhelming. I have been working towards this harvest for a very long time. I have put in long hours both working magick to manifest my desire but also just working hard in my mundane life. I planted the seeds of this harvest years ago and each year I would get a little closer to seeing my goal. Now it has arrived and it is magnificent! At the same time, all this bounty demands that I put it to good use, and share it with others. I also have to shore up my boundaries and make sure I am engaging in self-care, too much of a good thing can be bad.
I am saying all of this to say when you are working magick and hoping to harvest your desires it is a good idea to be prepared. I recommend doing everything you can to prepare for what your life might look like if you actually get what you want. Will you need support? Are you ready for success? When you get what you want how will you use it? Will you share it? For me, my success meant tons of phone calls, emails, public speaking, being vulnerable and having my life out there on display. I’m an introvert who displays as an extrovert, so all that talking and being seen is not easy for me. When I was working on manifesting my desire I visualized what it would look like so I could be prepared for what might be asked of me in exchange.
Since Lammas, I have had almost no time to process how amazing this harvest has been. Instead of blogging, I should be sleeping but my mind is wide awake. I’m enjoying the delicious quiet of my office and giving myself a moment to let the magick of it all really sink in. We have two more turns of the wheel dedicated to harvest, I can’t wait to see what is coming!
June is my birthday month! I am barely a Gemini having made it just under the wire in 1970. Soon I will be entering the last year of my 40’s and I have some big changes I want to manifest before I turn 50. One theme that has appeared over and over the last few years is Freedom and Liberation. Just when I think I’m done with that lesson it comes back around and goes deeper and deeper. Now I have a feeling of being at a brass tacks place. I’m at the edge of the deepest point with the toughest lessons. I’m being called to stretch to some pretty scary places and also to act whether or not anyone is by my side when I do it. Being a Gemini I prefer a partner to work with but sometimes that just isn’t possible.
I feel like the gods have been pulling out all of the stops. I have my primary gods and then others that I’ve worked with regarding certain issues. Lately, they have all been making an appearance and their voices are getting louder and louder. I’m trying to take it all in and process it all. I’ve had some things thrown in my path this year that have made everything feel harder. That being said I am ready to fight for what I want and keep moving. The lesson happening right now is that liberation doesn’t always come so easy, sometimes it isn’t just about untying your own hands and undoing your own chains, sometimes it is about busting out, drugging the jailor and taking a saw to the bars. Sometimes you gotta She-Hulk that bullsh*it!
Soon it will be Summer Solstice and then the wheel will turn towards harvest. I’ve got some work to do just regarding the things I planted at Imbolc. I know there are no short cuts so I should probably say goodbye for now and light up my cauldron.
Have you ever worked on Freedom or Liberation? What gods/goddesses did you find most helpful?
Over the weekend my coven and I celebrated Samhain together. It is our first Samhain season working as a group and so this ritual was very special. The ritual was beautiful and impactful. The weather was seasonable and mostly dry. We were able to spend time outside by the fire and make some special memories.
During our ritual time we honored the Crone and threw things into her cauldron. We toasted the New Year and talked about our dreams for the future. We created this spiral of lights so we could spiral in and out, each one of us having some one on one time with the goddess.
One of the coven members gave a fantastic presentation on the Crone. We each chose a Crone’s token from a bowl on our way out of the circle. I drew the rune Fehu.
We ended our evening with Pizza and a group viewing of Practical Magic to add a little fun to it all! We filled up on brownies and other sweets. At the end of the night I was exhausted but full. My cup filled by time with my coven and time with the Crone.
I am currently on a stay-cation. I’m using the time to turn inward and focus on the season. Tomorrow is Samhain/Halloween and I plan to spend time with my family. I’m hoping the weather holds so we can go to the corn maze. I’m still battling depression and so this time to slow down and breathe has been very helpful.